The lost art of deep listening
In a world full of relentless distractions, a major casualty is our ability and willingness to listen.
Take a moment to think of the last time you gave someone your complete, undivided attention for as long as they wanted to speak - not for as long as you wanted to listen.
Chances are you are struggling to remember any recent occasion at work and, sadly, probably not at home either.
A common excuse at work is that we don't have time.
The world is moving too fast for us to devote excessive amounts of time to someone “waffling” on about a topic.
If they can't capture the essence of the message in a few minutes, then they don't deserve our attention. Such an excuse is flawed at several levels.
As a manager, if you don't believe that listening and engaging with your staff is a vital part of your job then you misunderstand the role of manager.
The excuse also smacks of arrogance because it’s likely that you think you know in advance how much time the issue will take to describe.
So if we are to make a more concerted attempt to listen deeply to our staff, then here are a few headlines to keep in mind.
Be Present - this means moving away from your desk and from other distractions such as the myriad of electronic devices in front of you.
Sit or stand facing the other person square-on, arms unfolded and open, and maintain eye contact for around 70-80 per cent of the time ( the amount of eye contact is culturally specific, but this is a helpful starting point).
Ask Questions - that are relevant to what the person wishes to say, not what you want to hear.
This will require you to pay attention sufficiently closely to pick up both the actual words and the intent behind what they are saying.
A good test for how successful you have been at accurately picking the intent is to gauge how long it takes the person to answer your question.
If they answer immediately, you have probably got it right, because their answer flows directly from what they were saying.
If they delay their response, it may mean you have surprised them and sent them in a different direction which has broken the flow of their thinking.
Check - your understanding of what they said and how they are feeling about the issue.
It could be as simple as a statement such as "it sounds as though these two incidents with irritated customers in the one day have knocked your confidence in providing your usual good customer service".
The person speaking will be very forgiving if you haven't got it exactly right as long as they feel you have made a genuine attempt to listen and paraphrase accurately.
The purpose of this checking process is to reassure the other person that what we have heard aligns with what they were saying.
The up-side of being a good listener is significant.
Your staff will think much more highly of you, of your interest in what they have to say and of your concern for their well-being. And, most of all, you'll almost certainly learn a lot more than you would with the abrupt approach to listening which is so common in the workplace.
Dr Shaun Ridley FAIM is Deputy Chief Executive Officer (Learning and Development) at the Australian Institute of Management in WA. His extensive experience in leadership, strategy and learning and development has been gained through his work with hundreds of organisations, across all sectors both domestically and internationally.
