It's Okay To Have A Crush On Someone Else While Married
A friend of mine confessed that, despite her efforts to deny it, she had found herself in the precarious position of being attracted to a coworker. Some people would be shocked by this. I barely looked up from my latte.
I could see that she was nervous bringing up the matter. She spoke in whispers. She’d only been married for five years, and another man was giving her the kind of butterflies that she had promised to put a lid on the moment that she said “I do.” The need for secrecy struck me as strange — that in 2020, having “impure thoughts” about another man should be considered as dastardly as plotting to steal the Hope Diamond from the Smithsonian.
If it weren’t for the unrealistic expectations that society puts on meaningful relationships, my friend might be able to see her work crush as an innocent interaction, as opposed to a mortal sin. After all, she had no intention on acting upon it. In a world that looks at monogamy as an expectation for setting aside any other potential sexually or romantically inspired emotions, being attracted to people outside of a marriage is considered disrespectful and crass.
But dare I say, as a woman who believes very strongly that denying your emotions is a one-way ticket to true heartbreak, that being attracted to someone outside of your marriage is actually permissible? In a society that is obsessed with the nature of the illusory ‘perfect’ marriage, can we be honest enough to admit that an outside attraction is a distinct possibility during the course of even the strongest marriages?
Monogamy is typically defined as having sexual relations with one person. In a broader context, monogamy can also refer to the exclusivity of emotional intimacy. These are simpler definitions for a simpler time. With so many avenues of communication and connection available, especially over social media, these boundaries are no longer as clearly defined as they once were.
It appears as though couples are generally more open to...
