Homecoming memories of Jill
Memories are tricky for Tom Meagher. They divide him.
There are the happy ones, the joyful ones, the meaningful ones.
They are quickly chased by the sad ones, the pained ones, the anguished ones.
So it was this week when he stepped out of Perth Airport into the city where his wife Jill was raised, ready to honour her memory with an oath to end violence against any woman.
Returning to where he first lived in Australia with Jill, he was embraced by her father George, mother Edith and brother Michael - and was happy to be back.
But like the November sky, there were also some dark clouds.
"Stepping out of the airport and getting that Perth smell into your lungs - that just reminds me so much of Jill," Mr Meagher said.
"Bittersweet is exactly it. One minute it is amazing and you'll have a memory and that is wonderful - then it will hit you."
What hits is that Jill is no longer here and never will be.
The reason for that absence is horrific, the result of a crime that shocked and changed Australia.
September 22, 2012 - the night Hawthorn hung on to beat Adelaide and reach another AFL grand final - Jill was taken, defiled and killed by a man with a long history of violent sex offending who was on parole.
Adrian Bayley's deeds that night left Melbourne and Australia sad, angry and outraged.
It left her Irish husband utterly shattered, bereft and robbed of the woman he loved.
Mr Meagher's memories of that time are overwhelmingly of grief and loss.
Intertwined is the contrasting recollection of the support and the love the country sent his way.
"It is unbelievable - the march for instance was done with such respect and such dignity," Mr Meagher told _The Weekend West _.
"I am sure those people were angry but they reacted to it in such a dignified, respectful way.
"I was watching it at home on television - and I wasn't in a frame of mind to process it properly - but it was just mind- blowing.
"And ever since there has been so much support. It shows you there is a lot of love in the world and it does counteract that hate."
The bad memories meant Mr Meagher could not stay in Melbourne and he moved back to Ireland this year.
There he has determined to use his nightmare for good - by becoming the face of his country's White Ribbon campaign.
White Ribbon, which began in Canada in 1991, is now the world's biggest male-led movement to end violence against women, active in more than 60 countries.
It is why Mr Meagher is back - and divided again.
Tonight, he will be the guest of honour at the International Rules clash between Ireland and Australia at Patersons Stadium, which is supporting Australia's White Ribbon cause.
He will attend with Jill's family, toss the coin, present the trophy. Most importantly for him, he will lead the estimated 40,000 crowd in the White Ribbon oath: "I swear never to commit, excuse or remain silent about violence against women."
"It is a short thing, but it will be an incredible feeling," Mr Meagher said.
"We do need to pause and stop and have an awareness how prevalent this violence is in society and how hidden it can be.
"By saying it, and having 40,000 people in the stadium saying it, kind of breaks that silence."
One of those saying it will be Hawthorn and Australia coach Alastair Clarkson, who broke into his preparations for the game to personally greet Mr Meagher on his arrival in the west and lend weight to his message.
"This game is something we want to grow but is also a chance for our countries to come together to recognise our humanity and the way we want our societies to live and have respect for one another," Clarkson said.
"Tom and the campaign are helping bring awareness to that."
Alongside Mr Meagher will be Jill's mother Edith, who wrote movingly yesterday of how it felt to have her son-in-law briefly back in Perth, albeit without her daughter.
"Tom arrived and the love was there instantly and it felt he was coming home," she said.
"I simply love him and will be truly grateful to him for ever of how he made Gillian so happy."
So welcomed once more by Australia, while supporting Ireland and the cause now so close to his heart, Mr Meagher will again battle mixed emotions tonight.
"The venue, the place, it is really personal and brilliant to be here," he said.
"But I am sure there will be emotional moments as well."
White Ribbon Day will be held on Tuesday. To donate or get involved, visit whiteribbon.org.au or call 02 9045 8444
