I Waited Until I Was 41 To Lose My Virginity. But Was It Worth It?
By the time I was 40, I’d dated over 100 men. My romances, which lasted from one night to one year, were with men from 15 years younger to 15 years older. I dated a physicist, army captain, strip club bouncer, philosopher, professional country singer, peace-treaty negotiator, yacht captain, waste management baron, professional athlete, farming landscape painter, firefighter, ER doctor, retired CIA spy, minister, a handful of lawyers and enough engineers to start a firm.
While I was intimate with over 50 of these men, I never had sexual intercourse with any of them. I wasn’t waiting for marriage or holding out for religious reasons. I was attracted to the men I dated and fantasised about sex with some of them. Looking back, the seeds that would grow into my decision may have been planted by watching Disney and Hallmark movies and listening to music that romanticised waiting for a hero. Whatever the reason, I knew in my gut that I wanted to experience sexual intercourse within a mutually loving and committed relationship. That relationship just never came along.
In 2013, I wrote an essay entitled “Does My Virginity Have a Shelf Life?” for The New York Times that changed my life. In addition to the 600 comments posted in 24 hours, the article was on the top 10 most emailed for a week. Both feminists and misogynists attacked my decision to remain abstinent in a culture that quite clearly says, if you aren’t having sexual intercourse, you aren’t complete.
Then I was invited to speak on the Katie Couric show on “Late in Life Virginity.” During a commercial break, Couric turned to me with a knowing look and told me I had a case of “fairytale princess syndrome.”
“You should just have sex,” she told me.
My heart felt like it had just been spanked.
I left NBC studios on a mission — not to take Couric’s advice to lose my virginity ASAP, but to find out if I were delusional, as America’s sweetheart anchor had suggested.
I started with...
