Mum with cancer isolated from family felt she couldn't afford to die
When 57-year-old mum Nives found out she had stage-four cancer, she didn’t know how to cope.
Back in 2016, Nives from Warrnambool in Victoria, could not move her arm after she was in the shower. It turns out a blood clot had moved into her heart and after some tests, doctors discovered she had small cell lung cancer.
She has been undergoing treatment since then, taking a few months off just before Covid-19 hit, and while she has miraculously lived longer than the initial six-months she was given, the diagnosis is terminal.
Due to Covid-19, Nives has been apart from her daughter Limor and brother Alley who both live in Melbourne.
“In the beginning in 2016, my brother would drive and help me out and then Covid came in,” Nives told Yahoo News Australia.
“And now I haven’t seen may family due to Covid.”
Gradually Nives accepted her fate. She had to stop working, but what Nives feared most was being a burden on her family.
She worried how she could afford a funeral, and didn't want the costs to impact her family.
Nives looked into making her own funeral arrangements but everywhere she looked would set her back thousands of dollars. To put it bluntly, Nives felt she could not even afford to die.
Upon her diagnosis, Nives had to stop working.
She managed to find an affordable funeral plan through Bare Cremation, and was relieved she could prepare her own farewell.
Taking part in her own send-off
Nives started collecting bottles of liquor and decoration, but then she decided to have a live wake, so she can join in on the celebration of her life.
"I thought, 'no way, look at all the effort, they're going to have a ball!', so we organised [a live wake] and then Covid hit and we're still waiting," she said.
Also, instead of having a gravestone, Nives has purchased a star in her name, so her loved ones can be with her always.
"If they want to talk to me, they'll look up into the sky and that can be anywhere in Australia," Nives said.
"It's about helping them with the grief, it's about making it easier for them. They don't have to be restricted to be in a certain place to go to a tombstone.”
She also made up gift bags for her funeral, giving her loved ones information on where they can find her star in the sky.
Nives is so grateful to all the support she has received through her local cancer centre — from her oncologist, to the nurses to volunteers at Warrnambool hospice, palliative care and the cleaning staff.
"They're beautiful if it wasn't for them, that would be such a horrible, horrible experience," she said.
The kind act that kept Nives going
Nives once told her neighbour she had one regret in life — not building a small Victorian home for her and her daughter.
"Me and my daughter were saving so hard to build that home, and then the cancer robbed me of that dream," she said.
Her neighbour then came back with a tiny model of the home Nives had dreamed of.
That act of kindness inspired Nives to make a 3D model town, representing the life she wanted.
“I sort of went into shutdown mode and shut the world out for a moment and this brought joy to me, this is how I wanted to visualise my life,” she said.
The model represents everything she wants in life and everything she wants after she is gone, and is something her family will be able to cherish forever.
Nives is still volunteering at the hospital, which she credits to prolonging her life.
“All I can do is a proactive in my community,” she. said.
“Be proactive in my friendships and relationships. Be proactive as a mother and have compassion.”
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