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Tori Spelling Says She Doesn't 'Feel Worth Loving' amid Dean McDermott Divorce: 'That's the Truth'

Spelling filed for divorce from husband of 18 years on Friday

<p>Rodin Eckenroth/FilmMagic; Andrew J Cunningham/Getty Images</p>

Rodin Eckenroth/FilmMagic; Andrew J Cunningham/Getty Images

Tori Spelling is being honest about the impact her divorce is having on her self esteem.

In the debut episode of her podcast, misSPELLING, the former Beverly Hills, 90210 actress spoke out for the first time since her March 29 filing for dissolution of marriage from Dean McDermott and opened up about her emotions during this difficult time.

“I don’t feel worth loving,” Spelling, 50, admitted. “That’s the truth. And that’s something that’s just in you, it’s not something I wanted or created. That starts when you’re young.”

Spelling went on to say that diminishing her worth is a “learned behavior” that she has to work on changing, but doing so is not as easy as it sounds.

“I know you can change any point in your life, yeah, yeah, yeah — everyone always says that. But it’s a harder task than we realize,” she explained. “Especially if you don’t believe it. People can tell you and tell you and tell you and ‘should, should, should,’ but if you don’t believe it in your soul, in your core, I don’t know how you change that.”

<p>Amy Sussman/Getty</p> Tori Spelling and Dean McDermott attend Fox Winter TCA on February 06, 2019 in Los Angeles, California.

Amy Sussman/Getty

Tori Spelling and Dean McDermott attend Fox Winter TCA on February 06, 2019 in Los Angeles, California.

Related: Tori Spelling Recalls Seeing 'Red Flags' in Her 'Fast and Furious Romance' with Dean McDermott

Reflecting on her character Donna in 90210, Spelling said she felt like the “dumb blonde” stereotype she played followed her into her life off camera and is still taking a toll on her.

“She was the pretty, ditzy blonde,” Spelling said. “And that’s what you’re conditioned to be. ‘Oh you’re blonde, you’re funny, you giggle, oh, you play this role.’ And they compartmentalize you in life. Yeah, I was all blonde hair, big eyes, giggles, funny timing, great body, show my stomach, and scene.”

She added, “That’s what I was carved out in life to be.”

<p>Mark Sennet/Getty Images</p> 'Beverly Hills, 90210' cast

Mark Sennet/Getty Images

'Beverly Hills, 90210' cast

Related: Tori Spelling Says Her Marriage to Dean McDermott Was 'Never the Same' Once They Started Having Kids

Earlier in the episode, Spelling revealed that despite the support she has received through the divorce process, she still feels alone.

“I’ve never felt more alone. In a room full of friends doing a podcast, I’ve never felt more alone in 15 years,” she said.

<p>Rodin Eckenroth/FilmMagic; Andrew J Cunningham/Getty Images</p> Tori Spelling and Dean McDermott

Rodin Eckenroth/FilmMagic; Andrew J Cunningham/Getty Images

Tori Spelling and Dean McDermott

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According to the divorce documents, Spelling and McDermott, 57, who have been married since 2006, listed their date of separation as June 17, 2023. Spelling has requested that her soon-to-be ex-husband pay her child support and that the court terminate McDermott’s ability to request support from her.

Tori Spelling Instagram Tori Spelling with her kids
Tori Spelling Instagram Tori Spelling with her kids

She also asked for sole physical custody of their five minor childrenLiam Aaron McDermott, 17, Stella Doreen, 15, Hattie Margaret, 12, Finn Davey, 11 and Beau Dean, 7 — and joint legal custody. She asked that McDermott's visitation rights be determined at a later date.

It is still unclear whether the pair had a prenuptial agreement in place.

"There’s this weird thing that I didn’t know about before that you have to be careful with your ex,” Spelling said on the podcast, where she called McDermott to let him know about the filing being public. “It’s a he-said, she-said, who filed first. I had to file and go through the process and then once it was accepted and publicly posted, then I’m allowed to call and fill in my ex. So I just called Dean.”

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