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We Made the Perfect ‘The Traitors’ Season 3 Dream Cast

Photo Illustration by Luis G. Rendon/The Daily Beast/Getty
Photo Illustration by Luis G. Rendon/The Daily Beast/Getty

This week:

  • The 9-1-1 cast previews an even more bonkers season.

  • Our unimpeachable The Traitors casting ideas.

  • Beyoncé?!

  • The funniest play I’ve seen in years.

  • This week’s most important photo.

We Made the Perfect The Traitors Cast

“Excitement” is a foreign feeling for me these days. It seems so preposterous that I imagine it would be akin to what it’s like to fly, or to be on the moon.

Well, Peacock built me a rocket ship and blasted me off this week, with the news that The Traitors, the greatest television series of our time, has been renewed for Season 3. Given the reality competition’s popularity, a renewal might have seemed inevitable. But look around at 2024, people! Nothing good should be thought of as certain.

It’s a true gift to be able to continue to enjoy the currently airing second season while fantasizing about the murder-plot machinations that could come in the next installment. So we’ve seized that opportunity: Here are The Daily Beast’s Obsessed’s biggest Traitors’ fans’ dream picks for the cast of Season 3.

Alan Cumming in an episode of "The Traitors"

Alan Cumming in an episode of "The Traitors"

Peacock

Me:

Clay Aiken (American Idol)

Lance Bass (*NSYNC)

Candiace Dillard Bassett (The Real Housewives of Potomac)

Carl Radke (Summer House)

Michelle Visage (RuPaul’s Drag Race)

Eva Marcille (America’s Next Top Model/The Real Housewives of Atlanta)

Captain Sandy (Below Deck)

Dorit Kemsley (The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills)

Danny Roberts (The Real World: New Orleans)

Ted Allen (Queer Eye for the Straight Guy/Chopped)

Laura Bradley:

Flava Flav (Flavor of Love)

Nick Viall (The Bachelor)

Bobbi Althoff (The Really Good Podcast)

Bianca Del Rio (RuPaul’s Drag Race)

Helen Holmes:

Bethenny Frankel (The Real Housewives of New York)

Jax Taylor (Vanderpump Rules)

Addison Rae (TikTok)

Ice-T (Ice Loves Coco)

Fletcher Peters

Kelley Wentworth (Survivor), Phillip Sheppard (Survivor)

Eddie Lucas (Below Deck)

CJ Franco (Fboy Island)

Everyone

Tiffany “New York” Pollard (Flavor of Love/I Love New York)

I Can’t Stop Laughing

Do you ever see some internet-y thing—a meme, a photo, a tweet, a viral story—and it somehow sews itself into your brain so well that every once a while you just randomly think about it and start laughing? Not like a giggle. A full-on, silently heaving, tears-streaming-down-the-face laughing fit?

For me, that used to be the legend of Poot Lovato. [Returns seven minutes later after the laughter has subsided.] But there’s a new entry in the canon: the wax figure of Beyoncé that looks exactly like King of Queens star and heroic Scientology whistleblower Leah Remini.

I first saw a few tweets about it, and then my colleagues were Slacking about it—all before I saw the actual photo of the wax figure. Maybe it was the lead-up to finally seeing the picture. Whatever it was, I couldn’t stop laughing, and have periodically had to pause my life over the last 24 hours each time the image surfaced again in my life and I couldn’t accomplish anything because I was laughing again.

Behold:

I think we’re all the iconic Tiffany “New York” Pollard GIF at this moment.

Gif of Tiffany “New York” Pollard mouthing "Be Yon Ce?!"
giphy

A Genius Gets Their Due

I truly don’t think it’s possible to describe the mad brilliance of Cole Escola’s new off-Broadway Oh, Mary, a singular work of virtuoso comedy that is as inventive and shrewd as it is absolutely stupid. The gist: Escola, a comedian and actor who has accrued a passionate cult following for over a decade, stars as Mary Todd Lincoln—as in the wife of Abraham—in an 80-minute laughter fit that they also wrote.

Cole Escola in a scene from "Oh, Mary"
Courtesy of Oh, Mary

I’d say get yourself a ticket as soon as you can, except I’m sure it’s already sold out, the buzz (gays screaming about it all around New York City) has been so great.

Hang It in The Louvre

I understand there are people for whom this photo is incomprehensible and doesn’t matter much. But for those for whom it does matter, this image of The Gilded Age star Morgan Spector wearing a t-shirt featuring fanart of his co-star Carrie Coon in character while in a gym wearing no pants is a new Mona Lisa.

What to watch this week:

Couple to Throuple: Diabolical trash… which is exactly what you want. (Now on Peacock)

The Taste of Things: Food in film has never been so sensual. (Now in theaters)

One Day: Sexy and gorgeous and somehow better than the Anne Hathaway version. (Now on Netflix)

What to skip this week:

Halo: Shouldn’t a show based on a video game be more fun? (Now on Paramount+)

Lisa Frankenstein: We’re rooting for Diablo Cody’s comeback…and we’re still rooting. (Now in theaters)

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