How To Introduce Your Child To A New Partner Without Making It Weird
It can feel like one of the most difficult conversations to start with your child – yes, even trickier than talking about sex, or porn. But at some point, if you’re a single parent, or have recently split with a partner, you might find yourself wanting to introduce someone special to your child.
“I don’t know how to do it,” one mum told me, after getting into a serious relationship with someone for the first time in her four-year-old son’s life.
“It’s only ever been the two of us, and he’s been really clingy with me. The other day, for the first time, he put his arms out to my partner for a cuddle. But the whole conversation makes me nervous, because I want to do it right.”
Another mum told me that when she first introduced her children, aged six and eight, to her partner, it was as “mummy’s friend”. “We didn’t overload them with it,” she says. “We did it softly, at first. He’d be around for an hour or so on the weekend. No longer, until they got more used to him. We staggered it out, over time, and it gradually became ‘normal’ to have him around.”
Dee Holmes, senior counsellor at Relate, tells HuffPost UK that there are ways to ease the transition – and to help your child come to terms with the presence of someone new. But these approaches can vary depending on the context or duration of your break-up – and the age of your child.
“If you’re newly separated and your ex-partner is still around in your life, it may become something your child will talk to them about,” says Holmes. As co-parents, talking is important, otherwise the child becomes the messenger, she adds. “If you’ve got a good relationship with your ex, it’s a good idea to discuss beforehand how you’ll deal with either one of you finding a new partner.”
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