35 Harry Potter Jokes To Accio Make You Crack Up Laughing

We're in love with Harry Potter jokes and puns — it's hard not to be! We grew up with the series, and the nostalgia factor just isn't going anywhere. From its spinoff series, Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, to the wizard-themed candy and amusement park, there's still a ton of interest in the books and movies. We know fans love our Harry Potter Pickup Lines, so we figured we'd add our favorite jokes, too! Here's a roundup of the best Harry Potter jokes, sourced from Reddit. They'll even give ~muggles~ a chuckle.

Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, and Hermione Granger in a scene from the film series

1."What type of drink does Snape hate the most? Jameson."

Colin and Hermione Granger in Hogwarts' Great Hall with a camera
Warner Bros / Via Everett Collection

2."Why can't Harry tell the difference between a cooking pot and his best friend? Because they're both cauldron."


3."So, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. I guess that's when the books started getting...dead Sirius."


4."How do the Malfoys enter a building? They Slytherin."


5."How do you know if a potion is good? You check its hex-piration date!"


6."Why did Snape teach Potions and not Herbology? Because he can’t keep a lily alive."


7."Why is Mad-Eye Moody such a bad teacher? Because he can’t control his pupils."


8."One day Lupin decides to come clean with Harry. He sits him down and tells him, 'Harry, I'm a werewolf.' Harry jumps up and starts shouting, 'WHAT!? ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS!?' Lupin sighs, hangs his head, and mumbles, 'Ah yes, that, too.'"


9."What fuel does Harry Potter put in his car? Expecto Petroleum!"


10."Why doesn't Snape own a barbecue? Because he roasts his food verbally."

Hermione and Harry from "Harry Potter" in school robes sitting at the Hogwarts dining hall
Warner Bros / Via Everett Collection

11."Voldemort's parents took the 'I got your nose' game a bit too seriously."


12."How does Harry Potter get rid of a rash? With quit-itch."


13."How do you get a mythical creature into your house? Through the Gryffindor!"


14."Why did Barty Crouch Jr. quit drinking? Because it was making him Moody."


15."What do you call an electrocuted Dark Lord? A Volt-demort."


16."What do you call the entrance to a magical gym? A dumbbell door."


17."Why did Harry Potter get pulled over for speeding? Because he didn't expect-no-patrol-man."


18."What did Voldemort tell Wormtail when they went bowling? Kill the spare."


19."Why did Snape stand in the middle of the road? So you'll never know which side he's on."


20."Why did Hermione Granger carry a time-turner with her everywhere she went? Because she was always running late for her Ron-dezvous!"

Hagrid and Harry Potter riding a motorcycle with a sidecar at night
Warner Bros / Via Everett Collection

21."Where did Dumbledore keep his army? Up his sleevey."


22."On a scale of one to ten, how obsessed with Harry Potter are you? About nine and three quarters."


23."Harry Potter is sliding down a hill... J.K. Rowling."


24."What do you call a toilet with fur? A Harry Potter."


25."What is born with eight legs, has four after the first year of its life, and then only two after 20 years? The Weasley twins."


26."Why was Draco really loud in bed? So that his father would hear about it."


27."Why did Professor Snape stand in line at the bookstore? He heard they were having a sale on half-blood prints."


28."Why does Neville need three seats on a bus? He has a Longbottom."


29."What did Harry tell the Dementor? 'You're Riddikulus!'"

Hermione Granger, Ron Weasley, and Harry Potter sitting together with serious expressions
Warner Bros / Via Everett Collection

30."Why shouldn't one marry James Potter? He's a Chaser, not a Keeper."


31."Why does Voldemort prefer Twitter over Facebook? Because he has only followers, not friends."


32."Why should Malfoy be a part of every Quidditch team? He'd make an excellent snitch."


33."Why doesn’t Firenze go to parties? He doesn’t want to be the centaur of attention."


34."I liked all the characters, but Sir Nicholas was poorly executed."


35."On a scale from one to ten, I'd rate Harry Potter a 9 and 3/4."


This article contains content from Michele Bird, Casey Rackham, and Andy Golder.