Digging through best, worst and most bizarre NFL nicknames on Pro Football Reference

You can’t tell the history of the NFL without Red “Galloping Ghost” Grange, Dick “Night Train” Lane or “Mean” Joe Greene. Nor can you do it without Reggie White, the “Minister of Defense,” Deion “Prime Time” Sanders, Walter “Sweetness” Payton and his teammate, William “The Refrigerator” Perry.

Legendary nicknames helped define NFL lore for generations. Of course, some nicknames outsized the actual productivity of the players who owned them.

Billy “White Shoes” Johnson is a name that will live on for generations, but for a player who ranked 64th in receiving yards in the years he played. Craig Heyward is far more famous for being “Ironhead” than what he did on the field. Christian Okoye won our hearts as the “Nigerian Nightmare,” but he pretty much was a one-season wonder.

There’s something about a great nickname that can cement a player’s legacy, a mnemonic device of sorts to keep his memory in our hearts. And then, of course, there are nicknames that are purely absurd. And some that are just flat-out wild and mostly unexplained.

Spend an afternoon clicking through the invaluable Pro Football Reference — one of the websites I don’t think I could do my job without — and you can find yourself awash in stats, facts and NFL arcana you never knew existed.

It’s more than a database of numbers. The site boasts a wealth of frivolities that can send even the most casual of fans down an inescapable rabbit hole.

Chief among them: PFR’s incredible trove of nicknames. Click on players’ pages, and right there below many of their names are some beautiful — and occasionally bizarre — nicknames. Some you know. Others lead to major questions.

I’ll gladly tithe my salary to the next person to walk up to Brady, address him as “Pharoah,” maybe knock his golf game a little and capture it on film. This is your mission.

Many nicknames on PFR’s site come from fan submissions. Alex Bonilla is the user affairs coordinator at Sports-Reference.com (the larger site that includes other major college and pro sports statistics), and part of his job is sorting through readers’ feedback forms.

Not all of them are added. But Bonilla estimates about nine out of 10 are accepted, with around 200 added to NFL player pages last year alone.

“There’s never been a strict policy on what nicknames are added,” Bonilla told us by email, “although personally I adhere to making sure a nickname is being used in multiple places [such as on Twitter, in written content and when used by TV announcers].”

Bonilla holds creative-license rights to add his own submissions. When Patrick Mahomes beat the Denver Broncos on “Monday Night Football” early in 2018, play-by-play announcer Joe Tessitore called Mahomes “Showtime” — all game long.

Bonilla wasted no time adding it to the site.

“Tessitore was pushing it,” he said, “and I got the feeling that was gonna stick around.”

We spent a few hours digging through the site and came up with some beauties — including some confusing ones.

“Megaquon” — Laquon Treadwell

First, there was Calvin “Megatron” Johnson. Great nickname. Classic. Fitting, too.

So naturally, every receiver 6-foot-2 or taller who came after him likely wanted to be Johnson. We’re guessing that includes Treadwell, a fairly big receiver but not even close to Johnson’s size. Or Johnson’s anything, for that matter.

In 53 career games, his high-water yardage mark has been 58 yards. Johnson had 11 career catches at least that long. How about “Meganon” instead?

“Minitron” and “Squirrel” — Julian Edelman

OK, now that’s how you play off “Megatron.” This is a nickname that makes sense, even if it’s piggy-backing off another one. (Edelman has the little-brother thing down pat after years of being with Brady.)

And for “Squirrel,” Rob Gronkowski made fun of Edelman during his Fox broadcasting debut, saying the diminutive receiver was always “trying to get that nut,” which is the most Gronk pun ever. Of course, Edelman also wrote a children’s book where he portrayed himself as a squirrel, so it’s not going into hibernation anytime soon.

“Tractorcito” — Derrick Henry

The backstory on this is fabulous. ESPN Deportes announcer Pablo Viruega was calling the Alabama-Oklahoma Sugar Bowl en español and on the spot gifted Henry the name, which translates to “little tractor.”

It caught fire a bit online at the time, and it’s a personal favorite of Bonilla’s.

“As someone who spent time in Guatemala, and therefore watched a decent amount of games on ESPN Deportes, ‘Tractorcito’ working its way into the mainstream for Derrick Henry is a delight,” he told us.

We couldn’t agree more.

“TB12,” “Tom Terrific,” “Touchdown Tom,” “GOAT,” “The Pharaoh,” “Comeback Kid” or “Sir” — Tom Brady

It feels like none of these nicknames has stuck with Brady as the go-to, save for maybe TB12. So let’s do a Tom Brady PFR nickname power rankings:

1. The Pharaoh — For sheer absurdity alone, it earns the top spot. May this one last forever, if only to confuse future generations. (Spoiler: Former teammate Brandon Spikes gave Brady this nickname, and Brady supposedly hated it. That’s admittedly part of why we love it.)

2. Sir — Bonilla told us that this particular one has “gotten some question marks from people.” But with a mere three letters, Brady’s greatness is personified. OK, perhaps Sir isn’t the most colorful thing imaginable. But when rookies address you as that in the locker room, you’re pretty much the emperor. With or without clothes.

3. GOAT — It’s great in one way: If you play well enough to be in the discussion for Greatest of All Time, even if not everyone agrees, it’s an amazing life achievement. Less of a nickname and more a badge of honor, even if Jerry Rice and others have earned it, too.

4. Touchdown Tom — This sounds like a wartime nickname. The kind of thing they used to give to Army or Notre Dame tailbacks. It’s like whole milk. It’s fine.

5. Tom Terrific — Remember the uproar over Brady filing for trademark of this? Then Brady said he didn’t like the nickname and learned some sort of lesson from the incident. Who knows what that could have been?

6. TB12 — It’s not terrible, but it’s also not terribly interesting. And points are deducted for it launching a marketing campaign for his notoriously spartan “Method” program. Effective but banal.

7. Comeback Kid — Wasn’t this Joe Montana’s nickname? At the very least, it’s close to Roger Staubach, aka “Captain Comeback.” We’re not fans of passing on nicknames. Gotta have your own.

“Mr. Perfect” — Jared Goff and Roberto Aguayo

Linking an out-of-work kicker and a highly paid QB isn’t easy, but they come together in this strange, serendipitous way. Each are named “Mr. Perfect,” and both are funny applications.

Goff was nicknamed this in college after Cal started 5-0 … and then Goff threw five picks in a loss to Utah and the Bears dropped five of their next six games. Oh, and he was a perfect 0-for-12 in his career against Stanford, USC, Washington and UCLA.

Aguayo also earned his moniker in college, making all 198 of his career extra-point tries and missing only eight out of 77 field-goal attempts at Florida State. In the NFL, he quickly became “Mr. Shank,” missing nine of his 26 FG tries longer than 29 yards and also boffing two extra-point attempts.

“Especially ironic,” Bonilla notes for Aguayo, who is out of the league now. But no way is he or anyone else there taking down the nickname. That one must stay.

“Feast Mode” — Danny Shelton
“Book Mode” — Devontae Booker

As Bonilla pointed out, there is a cadre of players who “tried to glom onto the superior Beast Mode” nickname Marshawn Lynch made famous. That one is a Hall of Fame nickname.

“Feast Mode” is damned funny, and perfect for the easy-going and rather large Shelton.

But “Book Mode?” That’s one that maybe should have stayed in the college library for a player with more NFL fumbles (seven) than rushing TDs (six).

“The Fortress” — Dak Prescott

Does someone care to explain this one? A reader turned us onto it, and we have no answers. Did he once karaoke a Sting song in college? We badly need to know.

It apparently doesn’t apply to his recent contract standoff. But once Dak gets paid, the nickname suggests the money will be well-protected.

“Captain Checkdown” — Trent Edwards

What a terrible nickname for a QB. But it was well-earned for his mastery of the 2-yard dump-off in Buffalo.

“Mr. August” — Matt Hasselbeck

A pretty funny one I never knew existed. Before he was a longtime starter for the Seahawks, Hasselbeck apparently was a preseason god — the Jeff Janis of quarterbacks, if you will.

Bonilla, who has been watching old games to kill time during quarantine, added this one only recently after hearing Joe Buck refer to Hasselbeck as such during the Packers-Seahawks 2003 wild-card game.

“The Sheriff” and “The Caveman” — Peyton Manning

Quite the pair of sobriquets for one of the greatest QBs ever to play. But can we say either are anything close to household?

The first one is often credited to Jon Gruden when he was calling MNF games, and it apparently stuck. It sort of works if you recall all his pre-snap audibles, gesticulations and dummy calls.

“Caveman” purportedly refers to his forehead size — some might say a “fivehead” even — which is kind of funny.

The fact that Manning is as well-known as he is without a clear-cut nickname known to most is surprising.

“The Bodyguard,” “Godfather” and “Mythical Creature” — Jason Peters

“I don't remember adding those,” Bonilla noted, “but they appear to be recent nicknames assigned by fellow his Eagles linemen.”

The first two are great. “The Bodyguard” is about as perfect a left tackle nickname that’s out there. And everyone’s life goal, regardless of their profession, should strive to be introduced as the “Godfather.” You walk into a room as the Godfather, and people immediately start catering to your needs.

“Mythical Creature” isn’t bad at all, but it’s unwieldy coming off the tongue. Whatever … if there’s a player befitting of three darned good nicknames, it’s the titanic Peters.

“Uncle Rico” — Kyle Orton

A reference to the Napoleon Dynamite character. Absolutely hilarious. And just perfect.

“Fragile Fred” — Fred Taylor

This one hurts, and Bonilla agrees. Taylor is arguably one of the most underrated backs of his generation, but injuries early and late in his career got this one to stick.

“[That’s] another one that gets highlighted every so often, since it’s obviously not a flattering one,” Bonilla said. “Taylor supporters will be understandably defensive about it, but that nickname was used during his career.”

“Scottish Hammer” — Jamie Gillan

Bonilla is fond of this one, and so are we. The muscled-up punter from Inverness, Scotland, has a rugby background, and he rightfully earned this nickname with some strong tackles last preseason.

“Jimmy GQ,” “Prince Aladdin” and “Great Garoppolo” — Jimmy Garoppolo

The first one is solid. The third one is meh. The middle nickname is pretty darned funny — and quite apt.

“$wag Kelly” — Chad Kelly

There might be no funnier nickname for a player who has played only one regular-season snap to date: a glorious kneel-down against the Rams before halftime, back in 2018.

It might have been the greatest pre-halftime genuflect of all time, from Kelly trying in vain to hear the play call in his helmet (we assume it was “Kneel. Down. Dude.”) to Broncos fans cheering like it was a momentous changing of the guard.

And then he just takes a knee, never to be heard from again that day. Here it is, in all its glory:

Less than a week later, Kelly was cut after he marched into a stranger’s house after a wild Halloween party. The Broncos released him the following day. Now that’s $wag!

And as for the genesis of the nickname, Kelly released a rap song about himself in 2012, coining the phrase, and it stuck.

We can also thank the good folks at AL.com, who created an insanely good video to accompany the tune. The bars are incredible by themselves, but the video is next level:

And 3 nicknames we’d like to see added to PFR:

“Sausage” — Anthony Sherman

This one fits the criteria because it was supposedly gifted to the beloved fullback by Kansas City Chiefs play-by-play announcer Mitch Holthus. And, well, it’s just an amazing name.

If you read our recent soliloquy on fullbacks, you’ll know how close this one hits to our hearts.

“Nickfoleon Dynamite” — Nick Foles

They already have St. Nick listed on Foles’ player register, but drafting off Orton’s glorious nickname is far and away more amusing.

And by using it here in print, the nickname now has gained one more step toward qualification. Can we get behind this more, people?

“Thor” or “Baby Thor” — Chase Winovich

I believe this originally came out during the “All or Nothing” season at Michigan, but it’s possible it was born prior to that. Winovich’s long golden locks and his impressive physique are befitting of such a name, and if he gets 10 or more sacks this coming season, it’s more likely to stick.

Winovich already has a Samoyed named Zeus, so there’s a strong mythology vibe going on here. This is meant to be.

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