Posh mother-in-law lays out her demands

As any daughter-in-law would know, it can be notoriously difficult to win over your boyfriend's mother.

No woman will ever be good enough for her perfect son and the idea that another woman will be taking centre place in his heart is hard for her to take.

But most mothers and daughters-in-law find a happy medium and if not, keep their thoughts to themselves. Not this lady though.

Carolyn Bourne, a renowned grower of pinks and dianthus flowers from Devon, England, didn't think too kindly of her stepson's choice of bride and she wasn't afraid to tell her.

She sent her future daughter-in-law Heidi Withers a vicious email about her behaviour after a weekend away, telling her she was 'staggeringly uncouth' and 'lacked grace'.

She told the 29-year-old that in order to be accepted by her future family, she should learn some manners with 'utmost haste', and suggested attending a finishing school might be appropriate.

Included in her criticisms were:

"You should have hand-written a card to me. You have never written to thank me when you have stayed" and "No one gets married in a castle unless they own it. It is brash, celebrity style behaviour."

She also criticised Heidi's parents for not contributing much to the wedding, saying considering it was convention, they should have "saved over the years for their daughters’ marriages".

No doubt the email was intended to be private, however shocked Heidi sent it on to a few friends. They forwarded the email to their friends and so it went on.

Now the email has gone viral and the red-faced bride has some pretty serious damage control to do. According to The Daily Mail she and fiance Freddie Bourne have so far refused to comment to British newspapers.

Mrs Bourne also refused to answer questions, her husband Edward said: "We are aware of what is being said. I know it is very boring, very repetitive and very dull but we will not be making any comment and neither will my wife."

Whatever comes of it, it's fair to say the scandal won't improve Heidi's standing in Carolyn's eyes. Hopefully she at least sends a letter of apology.

The full email:

It is high time someone explained to you about good manners. Yours are obvious by their absence and I feel sorry for you.

Unfortunately for Freddie, he has fallen in love with you and Freddie being Freddie, I gather it is not easy to reason with him or yet encourage him to consider how he might be able to help you. It may just be possible to get through to you though. I do hope so.

If you want to be accepted by the wider Bourne family I suggest you take some guidance from experts with utmost haste. There are plenty of finishing schools around.

Please, for your own good, for Freddie’s sake and for your future involvement with the Bourne family, do something as soon as possible.

Here are a few examples of your lack of manners:

- When you are a guest in another’s house, you do not declare what you will and will not eat – unless you are positively allergic to something. You do not remark that you do not have enough food. You do not start before everyone else. You do not take additional helpings without being invited to by your host.
- When a guest in another’s house, you do not lie in bed until late morning in households that rise early – you fall in line with house norms.
- You should never ever insult the family you are about to join at any time and most definitely not in public. I gather you passed this off as a joke but the reaction in the pub was one of shock, not laughter.
- You should have hand-written a card to me. You have never written to thank me when you have stayed.
- You regularly draw attention to yourself. Perhaps you should ask yourself why.
- No one gets married in a castle unless they own it. It is brash, celebrity style behaviour.

I understand your parents are unable to contribute very much towards the cost of your wedding. (There is nothing wrong with that except that convention is such that one might presume they would have saved over the years for their daughters’ marriages.)

If this is the case, it would be most ladylike and gracious to lower your sights and have a modest wedding as befits both your incomes.