'We had to submit and obey': Woman reveals how she escaped repressive cult
When New Zealand woman Lilia Tarawa was a teenager, she ran away from home - but this wasn't your ordinary rebellious kid story.
Tarawa was running away from a secretive, repressive cult - the Gloriavale Christian Community at Haupiri on New Zealand's south coast, into which she was born and from which she fled at 18.
Now 26, Tarawa has a remarkable tale to tell - one of repression, escape, and ultimately forgiveness.
Gloriavale was founded in 1969 by her grandfather, Neville Cooper, who calls himself Hopeful Christian.
Under what Tarawa describes as his "charismatic" but repressive leadership, a 500-strong community continues to live a life guided by strict fundamentalist Christian rules and a loathing for the "outside" world.
Tarawa has now written a book, Daughter of Gloriavale: My Life Inside a Religious Cult, which exposes the dark side of the religious community.
In the book she talks about the way in which female members were expected to be silent and submissive, living a life of domestic servitude in deference to the men in the commune.
Her grandfather presided over a fire-and-brimstone community taught to live in fear of God and where corporal punishment for not following doctrine was considered acceptable.
"When I started writing the book I knew I'd have to talk honestly about my past," she told Yahoo7.
"It's still a super-emotional process and there are still many things that I'm hurt about, but I felt it was important to tell my story and it's actually been pretty healing for me. It's the right time for me to be talking about this."
At Gloriavale, modesty in dress and thought was a woman's most important virtue, outsiders were "evil", and arranged marriages to strangers were not uncommon.
Dissent was not allowed - women were taught to "submit and obey."
"We didn't socialise with other churches or other communities; we were very, very reclusive," Tarawa said.
"We were told that the outside world was full of fornication, crime and drugs - and some of that was true, but the only reason they were telling us those things was to keep us there."
At 16, women had to undergo a "committment ceremony" in which they vowed to remain "pure" and "meek" or face eternal damnation. Divorce, abortion, or adultery were unthinkable and freedom seemed a distant concept.
When Tarawa was 18, two incidents forced her to make her life-changing decision to leave. She witnessed a young boy being violently punished with a leather belt, and she saw little children who had been "strapped" so hard that they had blue welts on their backs.
Then, her best friend in the commune was told she had to marry an Indian boy she had never met because Gloriavale was planning to open up a chapter in India.
"She came to me in absolute tears and said, 'the leaders have told me I have to marry this boy, and I don't want to marry him because I don't love him. I can't do this anymore'," Tarawa said.
When her friend decided to leave, Tawara gave her "blessing", and in doing so she realised she, too, could no longer stay.
Tarawa's parents, Perry and Miracle, also decided to go. Lilia's two older siblings had run away when they were 15 in the middle of the night, and she had had no contact with them for several years.
"There were just a lot of things we didn't agree with," Tarawa said. "We wanted to be together as a family. Like me, Mum and Dad began to think, 'something about what this church is doing isn't right'."
The family moved to a house nearby but were still a part of Gloriavale until they decided to make a final break and move to Christchurch.
"I felt torn for a long time, but I began to make new friends, did really simple things like buying bubblegum at the petrol station or a pair of earrings - things you just weren't allowed to do at Gloriavale."
After leaving the cult, Tarawa found it difficult to speak up, to give her opinion or join in conversations with men, because she had been taught to "sit down and shut up" at Gloriavale - to take sole pride in her role as cook, cleaner, and domestic housemaid.
"In the world I'd come from, I had to ask for permission to speak. Now, I've found my voice, and if something is wrong, or I want to participate in a conversation, I can back myself."
After leaving Gloriavale, Tarawa admits she drifted, feeling lost. She waited tables, studied graphic design, worked for her parents' plumbing company, but nothing felt right - until she began writing her book.
Now, this former cult commune member presides over her own business, which ranges across health and wellness, life and business skills coaching.
She speaks out against injustice, discrimination, sexism and religious oppression and is committed to empowering women who feel like they have no voice.
"I want to be able to mentor other people by encouraging them to take control of their lives. I feel like the world is opening up for me after so many years living in fear and emotional repression," she said.
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How does she feel now about her grandfather and the Gloriavale community she has left behind?
"Look, I have good memories as well as bad," she said.
"I grew up there, I learned a lot of skills there. There are people I love there. I went back once, to give myself some closure and to say goodbye, to see it with my own eyes for what it was.
"I won't ever be able to go back, so I am really glad I did it."
She describes her grandfather as a "skilful leader who has fierce belief in his values, but who has made a lot of mistakes."
"He once told me that it was OK to lie for the church, but you can't lead through dishonesty," she said.
"I have love for him, because he is my granddad, but today I stand for everything he does not - freedom, openness, choice, the ability to live your life the way you want to live it.
"In a way I am really grateful to him, because seeing him for who he was allowed me to become who I am now."
Daughter of Gloriavale - My Life Inside a Religious Cult, Allen & Unwin is available in bookstores and online.
