Woman claps back at content creator’s belief that it’s OK for boyfriends to like ‘inappropriate’ photos of ‘random girls’ on Instagram: ‘Yes because it is literally so humiliating’
A woman is sharing her thoughts on another creator’s take that it’s essentially OK for your boyfriend to like sexy photos of other women on social media.
On May 9, Victoria de Vall (@victoriadevall), a content creator and host of the podcast Victoria’s Thoughts, posted a video in response to TikToker Madeline Argy’s (@madelineargy) explanation as to why “it’s OK for your boyfriend to like other girls’ Instagram pictures, but never to follow another girl.”
In her April 28 video, which has more than 368,600 likes and 2.3 million views, Argy tells her 3.8 million followers that men shouldn’t be expected to turn a blind eye to other women they find attractive. She argues that the notion of “hiding” from this truth is nonsensical.
“I think that all this suppression of, like, ‘He can’t be looking at other women,’ ‘He can’t be liking other girls’ Instagram pictures,’ I think it puts us in this weird, like, fake reality that is trying to get far away from the unpleasant but very real fact,” Argy explains. “Your partner is fully, biologically capable of finding other people sexually attractive whilst they are with you. You cannot turn off that piece of their humanity.”
Argy does note, however, that it’s not OK if your boyfriend is following another girl whose sexy photos he’s liking.
“People can see that he’s liked it. Anyone who follows him, anyone who follows you, they’re gonna see it,” she says. “They’re gonna think, ‘What the hell?’ and then the girl’s gonna see that he’s liked this a** pic. So maybe I don’t think it’s always OK. Like, the actual double tapping is kind of an unnecessary step, right? Cause it’s, like, publicly doing it. But I think the actual scary part of him finding it attractive is what you cannot f***ing run from.”
Argy also shares her “even more controversial” take, which is that she doesn’t consider watching pornography cheating.
“Bro, I could not give less of a f*** what you do,” she says. “How you get down with yourself is none of my business. That is, like, one of the most enjoyable parts of life. I’m never gonna try and have a say in what you do.”
‘no one is running from the fact that their partner finds others attractive, it’s a problem that they make it KNOWN to the other person that they do’
Argy’s “controversial” video received more than 4,000 comments from TikTok users who, overall, don’t seem to be in agreement with her.
“babe no,” @savanna.ware said.
“Me trying to justify his actions:,” @kiittyz_ replied.
“but why do they have to LIKE the picture???” @exitingpluto asked.
“me when i’m delusional,” @4thefantastix joked.
“no one is running from the fact that their partner finds others attractive, it’s a problem that they make it KNOWN to the other person that they do,” @luckycarmm argued.
Two weeks later, Victoria de Vall shared her own opinion toward Argy’s take on the matter. De Vall emphasizes that women aren’t trying to escape the fact that their partners find other people attractive. This, de Vall also believes, is inevitable. It’s the validation, by actually double-tapping a sexy photo online, that is disrespectful.
“So how this girl would like to get down in her relationship is her own business, but she makes some comments in the video that just simply are not true,” de Vall starts. “Everybody is inevitably going to find somebody else attractive outside of their relationship, but not everybody is going to act on that attraction, and liking a picture is acting on the attraction.”
De Vall explains that just as she wouldn’t want her partner to “run up after a girl in public that he finds attractive and ask for her number,” she also wouldn’t want him “online liking pictures of girls that are inappropriate.”
“So the claim that this girl makes is just not true. It’s not us not being able to come to terms with the fact that he’s inevitably going to find somebody attractive. It’s us saying, ‘Hey, I know that you’re gonna find other people attractive, just as I will, but I don’t want you to act on that attraction,'” de Vall asserts. “Just as I will do if I find somebody attractive. I will keep it pushing … I will not invest more energy or time into that attraction by liking the pictures, following the person, continually looking at the person, etc.
“I’m sure there’s a lot of men who would love to date a girl who doesn’t care about watching porn or liking other girls’ pictures, but the statements she makes about girls who do care are just simply not true,” de Vall adds.
‘Exactly!! nobody mindlessly likes pictures, liking it IS a way of actively telling them I like this’
The commenters on de Vall’s video are corroborating her take. Some have also noted that confirming your attraction to another individual online is just as “real and impactful” as doing it in person.
“yeah huge difference between finding a girl attractive & feeling the NEED to let her know you think that, why feel the need to let her know?” @fallout.sam replied.
“Yes because it is literally so humiliating,” @pinkchee admitted.
“The fact that you even have to explain this is insane,” @316ariii wrote.
“just because the action is taking place online doesn’t make it any less real or impactful,” @fionalemxn argued.
“‘Exactly!! nobody mindlessly likes pictures, liking it IS a way of actively telling them ‘I like this,'” @realneilpatrickharris said.
Does intention matter?
Dr. Jenn Mann, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and expert of InStyle’s relationship column, Hump Day, responded to a reader who shared concern over her partner’s Instagram “liking” habits. Mann suggests that “likes” can fall into one of two categories: innocent or guilty.
“The innocent man likes the image for a range of reasons: he’s trying to be nice, he wants to show appreciation for a beautiful figure, he is not really thinking and just likes most things that come through his feed, or his last girlfriend simply didn’t care what he did on social media,” Mann wrote for InStyle. “Even if he thinks this bikini-clad woman is totally hot, he would never risk his relationship and isn’t looking for a hookup. This guy tends to assess his behavior based on his intentions, not based on an evaluation of how it might be perceived by others or how it may make you feel.
“In his defense, if you have never had the conversation about where your social media comfort zone is, you can’t expect him to be a mind reader,” Mann added.
The guilty man, on the other hand, is “phishing.”
“He is guilty of using his ‘likes’ to send a message to the woman in question,” Mann explained. “He is trying to flatter her and get her attention. Usually, this guy casts a wide net, liking a lot of different women’s pics. He also tends to comment a lot. This behavior often escalates to DMing.”
Having an open-ended conversation about the matter, according to Mann, is the best way to sus out your partner’s intentions.
“Understand that you are unlikely to resolve this in one conversation. You don’t change someone’s thinking overnight,” Mann said. “This happens over time, through a series of conversations, and as the bond between you grows, your boyfriend will also come to better understand the way you think and why a double tap might actually hurt you.”
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