I Want Black People To Fill Their Lungs In A World Intent On Stealing Our Breath
You can put your hands up, you can put your hands down, you can lay on the ground, you can run away and the police will still shoot you. And even worse, once your life is gone, the media will take your memory. You’ll end up as a mugshot on a page or a number or a body count...
I’m tired of this, I’m frustrated, and I’m angry. I don’t know what to do. So, I’m doing the one thing I know how to do: I’m trying to take charge of what seems to be an inevitable fate at this point.
I recorded those words in 2016 after police in Oklahoma killed Terence Crutcher and then, four days later, police in North Carolina killed Keith Lamont Scott. My Facebook video shared details about where I grew up, what I like to eat, my hobbies and my interests before asking people to remember these details should police take my life and the media try to spin the narrative.
At the time I recorded the video, I felt like I couldn’t go online without seeing images of Black people being murdered, killed or beaten. Even if I tried to avoid the news, Facebook or Twitter, I would still receive links to articles and videos from well-meaning friends and colleagues. I clenched my jaw whenever my phone vibrated. I held my breath. I dreaded the sound of what amounted to death notices of killed Black men and women. I struggled to process the trauma and grief that I was experiencing. I felt numb.
In the midst of this global pandemic, I face a familiar struggle. The pandemic is making the world smaller as we shelter in place, and yet the world is made smaller still for Black people.
I have been sheltering in place for 80 days, but I have not felt more isolated than during the past week as people have circulated video of Minneapolis police killing George Floyd, leaked cellphone footage showing the killing of Ahmaud Arbery in Georgia, and news of the police killings of Breonna Taylor in Louisville, Ky. and Tony McDade in Tallahassee.
I cannot bring myself to watch the video of George...
