A teenager sleeps with a knife because he's so traumatised by what his teacher's aide did to him in class when no one was watching.
Nicole Woods sexually abused the student repeatedly at a suburban Melbourne high school and sent him nude images.
The boy, now 19, says he's been left "broken and I don't know how to fix me".
"Dark days, anger pain, can't sleep properly, sleep with a knife, cutting myself," the young man told the County Court of Victoria on Friday of his life after the abuse.
"(I'm) not innocent anymore."
Woods, 55, performed sex acts on the boy in a teacher's aide "pod" at the back of the classroom.
She abused him up to 25 times over about five months in 2016.
Woods also sent the boy, aged between 15 and 16 at the time, images of her breasts and at one point gave him $80 to repair his mobile phone.
The teacher's aide was found out after the child shared the explicit images in a Facebook chat and another teacher got wind of the abuse.
Woods initially denied everything before last year pleading guilty to two counts of sexual penetration of a child under the age of 16.
Her victim dropped out of school. He used to love cricket and football but doesn't play anymore, cannot work and receives a disability payment.
The boy's mother faced Woods in court, saying there was "no joy, no laughter" in the family's life anymore.
"I've locked things in a section of my head because if I think about them I fear it will tip me over the edge," the mother said.
Woods' lawyer Jonathan Barrera said the teacher's aide was abusing ice and Panadeine Forte at the time and her house had been repossessed.
"It was quite a dark time for her," Mr Barrera said, adding the woman believed she had a special bond with her victim.
Woods remains in custody and will undergo another psychological assessment ahead of a further plea hearing on June 29.
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