Whether you’re the kind of spouse who secretly cares about Valentine’s Day (even though you totally pretend you don’t) or truly couldn’t care less, these tweets will hit close to home.
I don’t think my wife realizes that the FREE SEX coupons I gave her last Valentine’s Day are about to expire.— Chad Read (@squirrel74wkgn) February 12, 2018
“What did you get her for Valentine’s Day?”— eric (@ericsshadow) February 14, 2018
UNMARRIED GUY: a card, flowers, perfume and i’m cooking dinner
MARRIED GUY: we got a new garbage disposal last month
HUSBAND: I got the dog heart shaped cookies for Valentine’s Day.— Jawbreaker (@sixfootcandy) February 14, 2019
ME: *through a mouthful of cookies* The dog?
[Valentine’s Day]— Jessie (@mommajessiec) February 15, 2019
Husband: *gives me chocolates*
Me: Thank you! I love you!
H: Can I have one?
Me: Valentine's Day is a made-up holiday— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 14, 2017
Wife: All holidays are made-up
Wife: They didn't magically appear on calendars on their own
Wife and I agreed no Valentine's gifts for each other so of course I'll be shopping for her every day until then because this is obviously a trap.— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) January 28, 2020
I guess my wife is mad because she opened her Valentine's Day gifts out of order and the vacuum bags ruined the surprise of the vacuum.— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) February 14, 2017