A straight, cisgender guy sits alone at a table, the glow of his phone illuminating wide, darting eyes. He’s visibly anxious. I walk in and see him before he sees me. I study him. Our eyes lock. I’ll never forget the deer-in-the-headlights look on his face.
I’m a transgender woman. I started talking to this guy online. He’s in his 20s, dark and handsome. After I twisted his arm, he finally agreed to meet me in public. Of course, he initially wanted to just come to my place for quick, convenient and “discreet” sex, but I wouldn’t allow it. I’ve taken to making guys meet me in public like an actual, human woman.
A park bench, a coffee shop, a restaurant — where we meet and who the guy is doesn’t matter. It’s always the same, trans-attracted dude, and the same look of fear on his face. I’ve seen it before, and I will see it again.
Dating and disclosing while trans can be a minefield of fragile masculinity and shaky sexuality.
I’ve been dating and hooking up as an out-and-proud trans girl for the last seven years. I meet guys the regular way, out in the world, but I’ve met most of my casual liaisons and sexcapades online. OkCupid, Plenty Of Fish, Badoo, Blendr, Tinder, Whipler, Bumble. Let’s pretend it ends there.
What I’ve learned along the way is that there are countless trans-attracted men who quietly and confidentially admire and lust after trans women. I’m talking about regular dudes who self-identify as straight and “only ever” date and hook up with cisgender women. (Mostly.) You probably never hear about it, because they can’t and won’t talk about it.
My wish is that trans admirers and trans-attracted men come out of hiding.
Online, it’s easy for guys to find and connect with trans women and explore their curiosity and pursue their attraction. There are many apps and websites dedicated specifically to trans dating. These interactions happen on regular dating sites and hookup apps, as well as through social media...