More drama is happening in the "Am I The Asshole? Subreddit!
This time, someone wanted to know if they were in the wrong for telling their sister they didn't want her boyfriend at Thanksgiving dinner. I'll let you read why they don't want the boyfriend to come, and then you can share your take in the comments below:
"I, a 29-year-old female, am hosting Thanksgiving this year at my house. I have 3 young children, ages 6, 4, and 3. My husband and I make good money and have some valuables around our home."
"My younger sister, who's 21, has a boyfriend 'Todd,' whom she’s been with for I think about two years. They have a baby together. Todd is a felon. He has burglary charges, along with petty theft. He’s also just a sketchy dude."
"When they were staying with my parents, a few of my mom's pieces of jewelry went missing along with $40 from my father's wallet. This was when they first got together. Basically for Thanksgiving, I told my sister Todd couldn’t come. She got super mad and said that wasn’t fair, that they have a child together, that he was basically family, and that he’d be coming with her. I told her he wouldn’t be because he's a sketchy dude and I didn’t want him in my home and around my children."
"I reminded her of my parents' home incident. She said that was a while ago and denied it being him. Then she said I was being a judgmental bitch and was stereotyping him because of his record. Then, later, I got a call from my mom, of all people, taking my baby sister's side, saying I should be friendly for the holidays. AITA?"
OK, so people can vote on these things in one of four ways — YTA (you're the A-hole), NTA (not the A-hole), ESH (everyone sucks here), or NAH (no A-hole here). Many of the votes this time said NTA.
The people who voted that way said that, as the host, she should be allowed to invite — or disinvite — whomever she wants.
"The older I get, the less I care about possibly offending someone who has already shown to make poor choices repeatedly. Your sister falls into this category. It’s your house. Your kids. You get to choose who you invite over. Period. NTA."
"NTA. You should absolutely set boundaries and stick to them. 'Hes your family.' Except he's not. He's not even your sister's family; he's her boyfriend, not her husband, or even her fiancé."
"Nope. Just, nope. Your sister has made a series of bad decisions, and those bad choices are not a good reason for you to make a bad decision. If your family all believe that Todd should be included in the holiday, then they need to host it. If the holiday is at your house, it is perfectly reasonable for you not to trust a convicted thief in your home. NTA."
However, some felt it was unfair and that she was unfairly judging him because of his past.
"Ooph. Very (very!) soft YTA, not for your decision but for how you approached it. This is your sister’s partner and the father of her child. You must realize that not inviting him means she can’t attend, but you framed it as though you still expect her to. That’s insensitive and hurtful, even if your reasoning for not wanting him in your home is valid."
"YTA. His record is from prior to meeting your sister and creating their child. He has not been arrested, charged, or accused since. You have no idea who was responsible for the missing items from your parents' house. Your parents have not accused him or spoken to your sister about the missing items. Instead, they welcome him over, and nothing has been taken since. Either they don’t think he did it, they know he didn’t, or they don’t care. Excluding someone from a family gathering after they have been there for two years, helping parent their child, and being a good partner to your sister is making it very difficult for your sister and nibbling to attend family events. You are allowed to only invite people to your home you want there. That’s fine. Don’t try and justify it by talking unsubstantiated crap about the person. You don’t like him. That’s ok. Don’t try and justify it and act like he’s still an active criminal when you have zero evidence for that."—u/Lulubelle__007
"Your house, your rules. But if I were your family, I would have our own party for the whole family and either you could go or not. It's not fair to your sister's kid that their dad is excluded from family events. YTA, but it's your house....That's why you shouldn't host events."
People also found fault on both sides.
"ESH. It wasn’t really fair that you decided to host if you were going to exclude him. You should’ve let your parents host."
"ESH. Your sister and her partner for their poor choices. You for not getting someone else to host, because like others have said, she just won't come and other family members will follow suit."
Now, tell me what YOU think of all this. Is she wrong? Would you invite him to dinner? Tell me your thoughts in the comments.
Note: Some submissions have been lightly edited for length and/or clarity.