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Teen turtles on steroids

In the frantic lead-up to the climax of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, the four shell-backed superheroes are in a lift, racing to the top of a New York skyscraper to meet their nemesis, the fearsome martial-arts maestro Shredder,

who is about to unleash a deadly virus.

Rather than letting the tension build in silence the Ninja Turtles, like typically hyperactive human teens, start rapping, each joining the chorus in turn.

The fate of the city is in their hands (or, more accurately, in their paws) but there's still time to remind us of their cool moves and their street cred.

A few more such sweet, goofy moments and a little less of producer Michael Bay's bombast would have lifted TMNT from being just another efficient, reasonably entertaining but soulless comic- book fantasy into something more memorable.

While producers say they set out to strike a balance between the darkness of the original comic books and the breeziness of the popular late 1980s television series (see interview, right), the new TMNT has been wrenched into the modern blockbuster universe, with its strutting attitude and juiced-up action sequences.

It never tumbles into the excesses of Bay's Transformers, which was also spun off from a wildly popular 80s television series but you wished that director Jonathan Liebesman and his writers had slowed down the action and allowed for a bit more Turtle tomfoolery.

TMNT is at its best in the early scenes when Megan Fox's intrepid TV news reporter April O'Neil attempts to convince her boss (Whoopi Goldberg) of the existence of four giant turtle vigilantes coming to the aid of embattled New Yorkers (it's a pity she didn't work for Fox News).

Fox is no comic genius but her struggle to prove the existence of oversized pets cutting a swathe through the city villains is funny (next to these oddballs explaining Superman would be a breeze).

When April finally gets up close and personal with Leonardo, Raphael, Michelangelo and Donatello and the giant rat Splinter, their sensei and adoptive father, secrets tumble out about her surprising connection to the sewer-dwelling vigilantes (well not so surprising for those who saw the last Spider-Man).

When Michelangelo sets eyes on the curvaceous O'Neil he quips "I feel my shell tightening."

While the lewd comment will go over the heads of most of the movie's audience it will amuse the dads - why else is Fox in the movie - and reminds us that the Turtles are teenagers.

And we need reminding because the Turtles are played by actors who are all pushing 30, except Leonardo who is voiced by 43-year-old Jackass clown Johnny Knoxville.

Again, such old-sounding characters work against the playfulness and lightness that's sadly absent and chimes with the approach of uber-macho Bay (by the look of the strapping Ninja Turtles steroids seem to be their favourite pizza topping).

We also lose the framing story involving April as the television news reporter (and along with it her boss played by Goldberg). I know we've seen the reporter angle before in Superman and Spider-Man but it is a lovely way of contrasting the normal universe and the nutty.

While I wanted more impishness of generic action-movie strutting, the action scenes orchestrated by Liebesman (Battle Los Angeles, Wrath of the Titans) are good fun, especially one sensational sequence involving trucks racing down the side of a mountain that plays like an extreme sports show, with the Ninja Turtles weaving in and out as though they are on skateboards.

But the kids at the preview I attended seemed to have a good time because they have become accustomed to having their eyeballs scorched rather than being charmed or moved.

Perhaps it is time for those of us who grew up with Christopher Reeve's Superman turning back time in order to save Lois Lane to get back into our shells.