Tully's anguish turns to love

Tully Bevilaqua thought her days of bouncing from court to court would be limited to her career as a superstar basketballer and Australian Olympian.

But the retired veteran of more than 700 professional games in Australia and the US never bargained on the emotional roller-coaster and legal hassles her same-sex marriage to wife Lindsay and their parenthood of toddlers Parker and Mackenzie would bring.

Bevilaqua has just finished a Christmas holiday back in Perth from her Indiana home for the first time three months after her marriage was finally legally recognised in their home US State to put an end to years of anguish and pain.

She said it was as though they could finally breathe.

"I'm in a really good place and it hasn't always been like that," Bevilaqua said.

There is now a palpable calm around the WA basketball great, whose life has taken many exceptional turns since her tomboy days in Merredin in the Central Wheatbelt.

Belying her diminutive stature, Bevilaqua became a household name in the WNBA but her bid to see same-sex marriages get something of a "normal" status may become more defining.

She and Lindsay, who both previously had husbands, arguably understand the concept of love being love better than most.

"Going through the patch of knowing who I was deep down and getting the courage to be that person were dark times," Bevilaqua said.

"I hurt somebody and that would be my one regret. But you can hit dark moments that people don't know you're going through and I can relate to getting to the point of having depression.

"I was definitely on the verge … when you're constantly waking up with a knot in your stomach and you just want to wake up one day and not have that there.

"I would have been unhappy and made those closest to me unhappy if I denied who I was.

"It took a few years to gain the courage to get to that point, but as soon as I was true to myself it went away and then I was able to deal with trying to still be a part of the lives of people I hurt along the way to making that decision.

"Now it's not just through basketball that I'm a role model. It's really surreal to know the impact you can have just because you can play a sport at the top level."

With the frustration at not being able to legally marry in Indiana, the pair were wed in Washington DC after the US struck down a crucial section of the Defence of Marriage Act in 2013. But only in October could they be legally recognised as married in Indiana.

It triggered deep emotions and many issues they took for granted in their past marriages, such as tax returns as partners and the rights to their children should anything happen to either one.

Lindsay gave birth to Parker using an anonymous sperm donor and Mackenzie was adopted on the day she was born.

"We both shed tears when our marriage was deemed legal," said Bevilaqua, who runs the Indiana fitness bootcamp Gym 41.

Bevilaqua said she and her wife had discussed their "different" family life with Parker and believed the children, who know their parents as Mumma T and Mumma L, would grow to be compassionate and understanding.

She hoped Australia would soon foster that understanding and follow the lead for same-sex marriages overseas.

In November, Liberal Democrat Senator David Leyonhjelm introduced a Bill to enable same-sex marriages, which are still treated as de facto unions. "It does frustrate me," Bevilaqua said. "Our Prime Minister is not an advocate of same-sex marriage, even though he has a sister who opened up about being gay.

"I don't understand how you can say you totally support that family member when you're not actually totally supporting and there are politicians in the United States with the same scenario.

"At the end of the day, does us getting married change anyone else's lives?

"I feel our children will be accepting of everyone in the world because we are raising them to accept people with differences.

"Hopefully there will be that day when it doesn't matter … not even a blink of an eye."

She said it would be nice when Australia finally recognised same-sex marriages.

"Just listen to the people," Bevilaqua said. "Most people are accepting and are wanting this change, and love is love."