Sydney woman, 28, 'who could die at any minute' pens heartbreaking letter
A Sydney writer has penned a heartbreaking letter detailing the “painful” days she has spent “crying and screaming” after a terminal cancer diagnosis left her fearing she won’t live to see Christmas.
In an Instagram post on Thursday, Natalie Fornasier, the inspiration behind and one of the driving forces of the #CallTimeOnMelanoma initiative, revealed she has no idea how much time she has left after receiving the heartbreaking news four “brutal” months ago.
“At the end of July, I received the news that my cancer was now terminal and had months left to live,” the 28-year-old wrote, admitting that it was a word she “had been skating around for years” after initially being diagnosed with Stage III Metastatic Melanoma eight years ago.
“[It’s] a word that terrified me because I always knew it could be a possibility. But it’s also a frame of mind I never anticipated I would have to enter.
“It’s not easy to admit that I’m dying. At 28 years old…everything about it feels wrong. The conversations I’ve had to have, the plans I’ve had to make, the places my thoughts have gone and are still going — none of it is natural. It’s painful.”
Sydney writer diagnosed with melanoma at age 20
Mrs Fornasier has been raising awareness about melanoma and the importance of sunscreen and skin checks since the age of 20, when she woke up one morning covered in bruises while on holiday in Greece.
During an interview with Byrdie earlier this year, the writer said she knew something was wrong when a mole the size of a fingernail that had been on one of her toes for years “started to grow” and “become like a volcano”.
Her toe — which she had often covered with a bandaid when outside — was amputated and the lymph nodes in her leg were removed. However, after four years of clean scans, two nodules were discovered in her lungs in May 2018. The melanoma had come back.
The diagnosis followed a seven-month-long stay in Europe, during which Mrs Fornasier met her husband, German-born Alexander.
“I was so mad at the world, I was mad at everything. It was a different type of reaction this time, it wasn't fright, it was rage. I had finally gotten a glimpse of what my life could be like and then it was taken away,” she told Byrdie.
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'I don’t know if I’ll see Christmas'
The couple, who got married at a palliative care facility on November 26, “have grieved together” following the devastating news, the 28-year-old said in her letter.
“Every day for the past four months I’ve cried and screamed. I’ve fallen into oblivion crying for Alexander, the heartbreak, and the love I would be leaving — for the life we were supposed to have. I’ve cried for my family. I’ve cried myself hoarse about the fear of death. I’ve screamed for the children I would never have, the growing old, my friends, the life I was supposed to live.”
Mrs Fornasier said she knows her husband will keep her memory alive and that she was grateful for fulfilling her “one goal in life” — love. “I’ve experienced a love that is all consuming – something so deeply precious and powerful and soul changing that I know that even though I’m leaving this earth, that energy and love will never die,” she said.
Although she wasn’t sure if she should share the news that her health had taken a turn for the worse, the 28-year-old content creator said she wanted to be the one to tell her story.
“My doctors don’t know how long I have, and to be honest neither do I – my organs can go into failure at any moment, or I could bleed out. I don’t know if I’ll see Christmas. Life is so unpredictable; it really reminds you of how little to no control we have over our lives,” she said, urging others to “live every day” and love as much as they can.
“Maybe because in staring down death every day for the past eight years –- I’ve been forced to know that life — every single minute of it — is borrowed time.”
Friends have created a GoFundMe to help cover Mrs Fornasier’s funeral expenses, as well as help Alexander as he grieves the loss of his wife.
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