Barry Humphries' farewell tour
Dame Edna: Hello, possums. This is Dame Edna on Sunday Night. Take one.
Sir Les: This is Les Patterson saying, "happy 100 Sunday Night!" Take one.
Dame Edna: Hello, possums.
ROSS COULTHART: They're back for the last time.
Sir Les: Beautiful.
ROSS COULTHART: For more than 50 years...
Dame Edna: Hello, girls.
ROSS COULTHART: ..these three stars of Australian comedy have thrilled audiences worldwide.
Barry Humphries: Barry Humphries on Sunday Night with Sir Les Patterson and Dame Edna, take one.
ROSS COULTHART: This is indeed an auspicious occasion because it's the first time ever, a world exclusive, for the three of you to be together in an interview.
Dame Edna: Hello, boys. (CLEARS THROAT) We're only together in this program
because we were tricked into it.
ROSS COULTHART: Welcome to Sunday Night. It's a delight to meet you. Please, have a seat on the end here. Oh.
Dame Edna: Well, I must admit...I'm a little bit peeved. I thought this was going to be a one-to-one interview, Ross, and I see we have company.
Barry Humphries: Dame Edna, I'm afraid you're a little jealous.
Dame Edna: Mm-hm.
ROSS COULTHART: So, Dame Edna, Barry, of course, has enjoyed operating as your manager for, gosh, 50 years plus now. He's done very well. Are you happy for him?
Dame Edna: Oh, yes, I am. I'm a very happy woman and I just wish...a lot
of other untalented people had reaped the rewards that he has.
ROSS COULTHART: Dame Edna, of course, arrived on the scene in, I think, 1956.
I understand the early day or the early Edna is very different, quite meek compared to the very assertive Dame Edna we have today.
Barry Humphries: Painfully shy. And inarticulate, if I may say so.
ROSS COULTHART: The Dame Edna we meet today is somewhat more assertive than the shy housewife from Moonee Ponds.
Dame Edna: And by the way, one little gripe again - you sent a vulgar, vulgar car to pick me up. A white stretch. You must have mistaken me for a Greek wedding.
ROSS COULTHART: It was bigger than Barry's. That's what we thought you would appreciate.
Dame Edna: Well, it was kind. I know your heart was in the right place, Ross.
Sir Les: Hello, girls. How's your day been so far? Alright? That was a knockback. Very unusual.
ROSS COULTHART: And, of course, Sir Les is just about to join us and we'll cross to him now backstage.
Sir Les: The pressure's good Kimmy, but you can... ah, give us a bit more.
Lower down, darling.
Kimmy: Mr Les want harder?
Sir Les: Harder, harder, darling. Ooh, a bit lower, a bit lower. Am I feeling good with little Kim a gift from the wonderful city of Manila. A gift to the Australian diplomatic corp.
ROSS COULTHART: What is it about Sir Les that you think has attracted...I mean, he at one stage, so attracted public ire, that there were speeches in the Parliament, weren't there? Outrage that Sir Les was demeaning Australia?
Barry Humphries: Well, there was outrage. Even Malcolm Turnbull, normally a temperate man, suggested that a lot of my comedy routines should be banned
because they were bringing contempt upon Australia.
ROSS COULTHART: Please to meet you. See you, pal. If you have a sit
next to Barry here.
Sir Les: Oh. Oh, boy! Argh.
ROSS COULTHART: Dame Edna, have you ever done an interview before with Barry and Sir Les?
Dame Edna: No. And I feel I was tricked into this, frankly. There's not a love lost between us, I'm sorry to say. Barry and I used to be very good
friends and we still are civil, I hope, Barry, with each other. But Les Patterson is another story. You know, when he was a student at Xavier College in Melbourne, he took me on a blind date.
Sir Les: I don't know what I said to her or did to her that I haven't done
to a thousand other young women. And she took exception because she was hoity-toity and in my view, probably a lesbian. Because that's what I call women who reject my dignified advances.
Dame Edna: I just had the good taste to drop you.....and I haven't seen you much again till today.
ROSS COULTHART: They do share some views on Australian life, however.
Sir Les: Listen, ah, Julia Gillard, bless her heart, God love that woman, is a ten-quid Pom.
Dame Edna: I've been giving her elocution lessons but it's a losing battle,
I'm afraid.
Sir Les: She's very lucky to have found a man who's a hairdresser. And this is the interesting thing, God love her - the only hairdresser in Australia
who isn't a poof.
ROSS COULTHART: She also had a rough time, though, earlier this year when the tent embassy became an issue of controversy.
Sir Les: I was having lunch in Canberra in a restaurant called the Lodge
and suddenly I aware of a kerfuffle...kerfuffle outside. And I looked out and I saw a lot of people waving the aboriginal flag. A couple of them were even aboriginals. Poor old Julia, she was hoping to these embrace these people
and say "I'm sorry" again, you know.
ROSS COULTHART: And what happens?
Sir Les: What happened, she took flight and she lost her shoe. And I ran out. I happened to be the man on the spot. And this is it - this is Julia Gillard's shoe. Just a minute. The smell of fear. Yes. There you are, Bazza.
ROSS COULTHART: Not up to your standards, Dame Edna? What do you think?
Sir Les: Well, she certainly...knows how to save money. Hmmph.
ROSS COULTHART: When you heard that Barry had been appointed or honoured with the Australian of the Year Award in London, were you happy for him?
Dame Edna: Listen, it was a very minor thing. The Australian of the Year in UK?
Barry Humphries: Well, I thought I was going to be Australian of the Year and then I learnt that it was slightly more limited. It was Australian of the Year...UK. And presumably there are Australians of the Year all over the world. You know, you could be Australian of the Year Mozambique.
ROSS COULTHART: So, Dame Edna, I can perhaps tell you that backstage, and I hope Barry doesn't mind me telling you this, he told me that in fact the award was to go to...you. But he felt that after 50 years in the business,
he deserved some acknowledgement.
Dame Edna: Oh, did he? You mean he stabbed me in the back?
ROSS COULTHART: Your call.
Dame Edna: He denied me my award!
Barry Humphries: Ah!
ROSS COULTHART: Dame Edna, please!
Sir Les: Stick it up him, Ed! Give it to him!
ROSS COULTHART: Dame Edna, please. Dame Edna, please.
Sir Les: Come on - jeez, give it to him!
ROSS COULTHART: Edna, please.
Dame Edna: I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me. I'm having mood swings.
I am having quite serious mood swings. My patch is peeling off.
ROSS COULTHART: It takes some intense negotiation to convince the warring parties to resume their seats. They're here to make a stunning announcement.
This, we hear, is to be your final tour?
Barry Humphries: It is. It's the farewell tour and it's very much in the tradition of the great Australian diva Dame Nelly Melba.
Dame Edna: I'm not leaving the stage. You'll never drag me off the stage.
But to do these productions, I couldn't keep up. I've got so many
international obligations. I have the Prostate Olympics coming up - that was my own idea. And I'm doing a lot of work for my pet charity now - The Deviated Septum. Ross...this wonderful show, which is going to be my...my farewell show to the people of Australia, is about my spiritual journey. It's not called Eat, Pray, Laugh for nothing. And I guarantee it'll be the best show I've ever done.
ROSS COULTHART: Dame Edna, thank you so much.
Dame Edna: Thank you, Ross. Well, why don't we have lunch?
