Mel Gibson has spoken openly for the first time about his infamous abusive phone call to the mother of his child describing its leaking as the "worst moment of his life" and admitting he is still haunted by it today.
The recorded conversation, which was made to Russian pianist Oksana Grigorieva in 2010, was leaked to the media and saw Gibson disappear from the Hollywood spotlight for almost a decade.
"Imagine the worst moment you have even had being recorded and broadcast to the world and it wasn’t meant to be public," Gibson said. "You didn’t stand on a soapbox and do it, but that’s what happens, you know."
While Gibson's films have earned more than $6 billion at the box office a string of scandals saw him dramatically fall from grace.
"For other people it is called a nervous breakdown, for me it is something else," he said. "I don't even know what they called it."
He said that he regrets his obscene outburst, which contained numerous threats as well as a number of racial slurs, but claims Oksana released the tapes in order to extort a bigger share of his half-billion-dollar fortune in their divorce settlement.
The pair got together after Gibson's divorce from his wife of 26 years, Robyn Moore, and have a daughter together.
Gibson today attributes his health to Alcoholics Anonymous and says sobriety is an ongoing battle.
"I am a member of 12-step program and I achieved sobriety like that. I've got 10 years of sobriety under my belt."
"I had other lengths before that like eight years one time, fall off, four years, it's like that, like through a revolving door."
But he admits he is still haunted for his public outbursts.
"It is disheartening when you have been like 10 years dry on the wagon, sober and you have to read every year or so that you're loaded so that's disappointing because it is like a public notice that you're loaded but you're not," he said.
"[But] We can all get into to feeling sorry for ourselves, having a pity party about the past or what has happened, it is not worth it because it affects the present and it affects the future."
The star said in an interview with Sunday Night that a movie of his life would be titled 'Survival'.
"[I] was born a happy child and then stuff happened," he said. "I just wanted to be good at what I did,"
"You find out pretty quickly that it is like out of your control, like the first time you leave your hotel room and a group of people follow you with cameras and stuff and you say "that is enough, please go away now" and they go "nope", there is nothing you can do."
In 1995 he starred in and directed the blockbuster Braveheart about Scottish national hero Sir William Wallace that earned him Oscars for best picture and best director.
The same kind of buzz is already surrounding his new project.
He chose to make the World War II drama, Hacksaw Ridge, in Australia and cast his son Milo on the frontline.
"You see him, he is a good looking young fella, he has got a Thompson gun and he has the odd bit of dialogue here and there but you see him, he is amongst it with the rest of the guys, he is just one of the troops you know."
Hacksaw Ridge tells the true story of Corporal Desmond Doss, a pacifist who refused to carry a gun into battle.
It's an inspiring tale starring Andrew Garfield as Doss and Gibson says his passion for directing has helped him relaunch his career.
"I mean they said 'If you could sum up Hollywood in one word, what would it be?' and it's like ah... I think I said "survival"."
"Well hey, I am still breathing you know."