My Sister Died During Her Pregnancy. Stop Asking Me When I'll Have Kids
The first time I heard myself say out loud why I wasn’t sure that I wanted to have children was six months ago when I was 31-years-old. I was at a work-related conference and I found myself talking to a complete stranger about my sister passing during the fifth month of her pregnancy. I was telling this stranger things I hadn’t yet mustered up the courage to talk about with my own husband, who cannot wait to have children, or with my closest friends, some of whom I’ve known since I was a teenager.
I’m not the kind of person who usually goes about spilling details of my personal life in professional settings. If anything, as a lifelong introvert, I can take years to open up to someone. But she was incredibly easy to talk to, a woman and mother who understood and did not judge me for how I was feeling.
My 29-year-old sister and her husband had been trying to get pregnant for a couple of years. She’d been warned of the risks by her doctors, who knew she had dealt with chronic kidney disease since she was a child. After a lifetime of fighting the disease with medication and treatments, and battling through relapses, she’d been advised not to attempt to bear a child because of the increased risk to her own life and the likelihood of a miscarriage if she did manage to conceive.
But she was an optimist with infinite faith in a higher power. The same power that had led her to survive as long as she did, get married and live a happy life as a primary school teacher. When someone asked her if she had any children yet, she’d smile and reply, “I have a lot of children,” referring to her students who adored her. Though she was happy, that wasn’t enough. She wanted to have a child of her own. It was frustrating to me that I didn’t get a say in this decision.
After a lifetime of fighting the disease with medication and treatments ... she’d been advised not to attempt to bear a child because of the increased risk to her own life.
I was 17-years-old when she...
