How children are parented can often affect them as they enter adulthood. I came across this Reddit thread asking, "What do a lot of parents do that unknowingly screws their children over?" and the responses are quite eye-opening. Here are some of them.
1."Forgetting what it was like to be that age, and expecting their kids to react differently to things than them when they were that age."
2."They fail at letting their kids fail and figure out how to recover. It prevents the kids from becoming resilient."
3."Might sound a little contradictory but either not disciplining them or disciplining them way too much."
4."Parents not apologizing when they’re wrong."
5."Over-sheltering them. You can't protect your kids 24/7 for their whole lives. It leads to naive adults that get taken advantage of."
6."Not teaching them to think for themselves."
7."When parents try to fill every minute with organized activities such as traveling sports leagues. Don't get me wrong, some extracurricular activities are good, but when your kids never have an unaccounted-for minute, I think it has a negative impact."
8."Comparing them with other kids."
9."Not discussing money with them. I'm not saying parents should dump their financial stress on their kids, but things like budgeting, taxes, and personal finance discussions would've helped me tremendously."
10."Not encouraging them to learn basic skills like cooking for fear it’ll make a mess."
11."Thinking of children as property. We all understand parents are responsible for the offspring's actions, but they aren't property."
12."Refusing to be wrong or take accountability. Being wrong is okay, and it can be a learning moment for both of you. Randomly punishing your kid for being right or potentially right because they argued may make it so they never ask you anything again."
13."Not respecting their privacy because it's 'their home.' Barging into their room, asking them to leave the door open, etc. It gives kids anxiety, and it lasts. I moved to my own place, and sometimes, I still look at the door expecting it to open."
14."Parents not taking the time to explain themselves on certain topics. The whole 'do as I say because I said so' or 'because I had you' is not effective."
15."Telling children, 'That's nothing to be sad over, some kids don't even have this.' Now I repress my feelings and cry whenever I have to let them out, never believing they're valid."
16."Putting excessive pressure on their children to meet their own unfulfilled aspirations."
17."Guilt tripping them."
"Ugh, I'm going through this with my wife and her mother right now. My wife and I are 40. I've moved around most of my life, and have lived more than an hour away from my parents for the last 20 years. My wife has lived in her hometown (where we currently live) her whole life. Her parents have lived here their whole lives.
We're now thinking of moving a couple of hours away to be closer to my sister and her daughter, probably sometime in the next six months. My wife is excited to move but has been worried sick about telling her mother because of how upset she'd be.
In the end, we told her dad on Friday and asked him to tell her mom, hoping that he could soften the blow a little. No such luck it seems. The wife tried to call her mom today and she 'can't talk now, her tears are in overdrive' — for moving two hours away. We're 40.
The real kicker is, her younger brother moved further away years ago. That's fine, apparently, but my wife moving is a huge problem. My wife is feeling horribly guilty."