How To Politely Tell Your Partner You Just Need To Be Left Alone
Time to yourself (or “me time”) is extremely important for people in relationships ― arguably equally important to the health of long-term partnerships as date nights. But for many people, hearing the words “I need some time to myself” comes across as a threat to their relationship.
“For some folks, experiencing their partner emotionally or physically distance themselves can feel like a painful rejection or abandonment,” said Lee Land, a psychologist in Fort Collins, Colorado. Inevitably, this leads to an unhealthful push-and-pull dynamic between the pair.
“Unfortunately, I often see a dynamic in relationships under strain in which one person attempts to push their partner away emotionally, which leads to the other person attempting to bridge the gap,” Land said. “It’s an ongoing tug of war that causes pain and dissatisfaction.”
That creates a tricky situation for the spouse who really needs some alone time: How do you get the message across without making it seem like something is wrong? How do you convince your partner that a dose of alone time is actually beneficial to both of you? Land and other therapists share their advice on how to broach the subject.
Explain what you mean by “time apart” or “space.”
The “space” many partners crave is usually pretty modest: You probably don’t harbour secret fantasies to live apart à la Gwyneth Paltrow ― and you certainly aren’t suggesting going on an actual break when you ask for “space.” Sometimes, all you need is a free afternoon to do whatever you want, whether it’s grabbing coffee and reading idly or playing video games with friends.
Help them understand where you’re coming from: For just a few hours, you want to decompress and do you ― something they may not see the full value of, said Talia Wagner, a marriage and family therapist and author of “Married Roommates.”
“The key to success with these types of requests is the ability to see it from their...
