I Organised A Threesome, And It Was More Empowering Than I Ever Imagined
You’re reading How To Get Off, our series celebrating bodies, pleasure and fantasy.
When my long-term partner first floated the idea of a threesome, my answer had been a hard no. No way. That was not something we’d be doing. He dropped it and the subject didn’t come up again for several years.
Then, about 18 months ago, I started writing about sex for a living and my thinking started to change. I was meeting amazing people, amazing women mostly, who were exploring their sexuality in unapologetic ways, doing things that society told them they shouldn’t be doing and laughing at the haters. It was impossible not to admire them.
I started thinking about why I’d reacted so strongly against the idea of having a threesome. I realised it was two things. First, jealousy: would seeing my partner with someone else make me feel sad and rejected? The second, more troublesome reason, was this: I thought I wasn’t ‘the sort of woman’ who does that. I was basically slut-shaming myself.
So I started up the conversation again. My partner and I talked very honestly about our worries and boundaries, whether we should meet another man or another woman, and how we’d go about finding someone. We decided I’d take the lead, so I joined Feeld – an app that’s been called ‘Tinder for threesomes’ – and, for the first time in years, started going on dates again.
We wanted to meet somebody we could call a friend. After a few underwhelming dates, and a few outright disasters, I met Katie.
I didn’t just invite home the first woman I met – we’d decided we wanted to make a real connection with somebody, and the idea of anonymous sex doesn’t do it for either of us. We wanted to meet somebody we could call a friend. After a few underwhelming dates, and a few outright disasters, I met Katie (not her real name) and knew this time it was different.
Katie was immediately warm and easygoing. She was experienced in dating couples too, so there was no awkwardness. On...
