Love is in the air. So what's that smell?
You can smell it coming.
Valentine's Day.
Forget the florists, it's a chemist's dream as the world's hay fever sufferers rush to stock up on antihistamines.
All those triggers.
The flowers. The perfume. The BO.
Yep, body odour.
A Roy Morgan survey landed in my inbox this week with the revealing statistic that of Brisbane's 171,000 single men, 67% bought deodorant in the past six months.
That means one third didn't. One in three. In hot, humid Brisbane.
Lads, this is why you're single.
Ladies, before you start packing your things and moving south, the other states weren't much better. 66% in Perth, 61% in Melbourne and 57% in Sydney.
If the toxic clouds emanating from your armpits aren't enough to overpower love at first sight, there is another fail safe way to ensure you are single this Valentine's Day.
Instead of under-using deodorant, you could try over-using technology.
"Everything's digital these days," the PR woman for new Brisbane app 'eFlowerToYou' told me.
At this point, I should disclose this woman is also a friend. Although, possibly not for much longer when she reads this blog.
Her pitch is that you can send a flower, with a message attached, for just 99 cents. Electronically, of course.
Like many men, I don't believe in Valentine's Day - the expectation, when romance is about the unexpected.
But I'm pragmatic enough to realise that you ignore it at your peril.
Instinct tells me electronic flowers would be much worse than doing nothing.
It's cheap. The flowers aren't real. They can't die because they were never alive in the first place. There's no scent (the kind you want to smell on Valentine's Day). And, dare I suggest, none of your co-workers looks at you with the same sense of envy as when a giant bunch of freshly cut blooms is delivered.
"Be honest," I told her (digitally of course). "If you were dating a bloke who sent you a 99 cent bunch of flowers on your phone for Valentine's Day, it'd be all over, wouldn't it?"
I'm still awaiting her response.
I'm sure the app has its place. Perhaps on any day other than 14 February. Or birthdays, or anniversaries. A completely unexpected love note.
That'd work.
And the app's creators have decided to donate half the money they make to charities around the world. Here, the money will be given to the flood relief appeal.
But Valentine's Day - whether you agree with it or not - is all about those big, flashy declarations of eternal love.
Go all out this year. Do something really special. Maybe even spray on a little deodorant.
Follow Michael on Twitter @MichaelCoombes
