The Juggling Act - The things that are left unsaid
On the night of Sunday August 26, a 38 year old Sunshine Coast woman died in hospital from the flu.
Katrina Day had been healthy until mid-July when she caught what she thought was a sniffle. She ended up in a coma for much of the past five weeks.
Now her four children, aged 2 to 13, will grow up without their mum.
A year ago this week, a member of our extended family lost her life in a car crash. She left behind a 3 year old son.
While all of these children are much loved and supported, one wonders what wisdom their mothers may have imparted, had they known their time with their kids was short.
Some years ago, an acquaintance was hospitalised with a serious medical condition. Her doctor told her to write letters to her children… just in case. The experience was traumatic yet cathartic for her. Fortunately, the letters were never needed. She recovered fully.
However, it has been a thought at the back of my mind too since my own medical dramas back in 2007.
There are several pearls of wisdom I would like to share with my son and daughter before they hit their teenage years and suddenly 'know it all'.
Sometimes, I am able to snatch moments of quiet time with each to share my stories. But all too often, these moments are brief and lost in the humdrum of daily life – the homework, the housework, the job, the endless nagging `stop fighting’, ‘get your shoes on’, ‘hurry up or we’ll be late!’.
So, I have compiled something of a list of things I’ve learnt along the way. Some of them I’m still not particularly good at, but if recognition is the first step to achieving – then I’m getting there.
It is by no means a complete list, because life is a journey and I’m pretty sure I’m still on my `L plates’.
So, for the Junior SNAG and Sassy Princess… this is for you.
1) Explore. Experience. Create. Enjoy. Never stop learning. See the world. Listen to other people’s stories, for there is no better way to become wise. Find your passion and pursue it. Work hard. But remember, life is not a one way freeway. Sometimes your path will be blocked. Sometimes responsibilities will weigh you down. Money will be tight. Time will be short. Frustration and bitterness may settle in. So, change direction. Have a bucket list and don’t be afraid to dive into it. Go and live in Italy. Volunteer in an orphanage in India. Learn Indonesian. Take up karate. Whatever it is that floats your boat. Make your life canvas as vibrant and colourful as you possibly can, because you only get one chance.
2) Take risks. Not stupid risks, but calculated ones. There is a big difference between the two. A stupid risk is jumping into a car with your mates when they are drunk. A calculated risk is taking off with a backpack and a spirit of adventure. Always think of the consequences before you act.
3) Stay fit and healthy. You have one body - do not abuse it – because the damage may be permanent.
4) Believe in yourself. For every mountain you try to climb, there will always be someone ready and willing to trip you at every step. Learn to sort the constructive criticism from the malicious. It is something I’ve not been much good at over the years – much to my own detriment. Cut loose poisonous people from your life, or at the very least, keep them at arm’s length.
5) Envy is a useless emotion. There will always be someone smarter, funnier, prettier, fatter, thinner, taller or faster than you are. But there will never be anyone quite like you. You are not in a race with anyone. Celebrate the achievements of others. Revel in the successes of your friends and loved ones. Shared joy tastes sweet.
6) You have the power to choose. Sometimes life will throw a curve ball. Someone may pressure you to do something you’re not sure about. Sometimes temptation may seem lucrative or exciting. Do not sell your soul. You have the power to choose which direction your life will take. Sometimes it means saying yes, but you also always can say no.
7) Respect. Everybody deserves it. You are no more important than anybody else, and no one is more important than you. Always treat people the way you would like to be treated. Condescension is petty and ugly. Don’t accept it, and never ever deliver it. Respect extends to the environment too and the animals in it. Don’t take them for granted. Do your bit to make sure they are around for future generations.
8) Empathy. This is something I know both of you already have in spades. In your young lives, you have proven it to me many times and I am immensely proud. Empathy is something that often seems to be in short supply in our current world, yet it is the glue of a healthy society. Never lose your empathy.
9) Don’t sweat the little things. A former work colleague, for whom I have the greatest respect, taught me this. Once, when I was beating myself up for some minor mistake in my work, he looked at me and said `perspective: one mistake will not hurt anybody and tomorrow is a new day.’ This was a man who knew what real stress was. He lost his little boy to cancer.
And there are a few other things too - Be loyal. Be brave. Be honest. Persevere. Always do your best. Give. It may not make you an overnight sensation or a millionaire, but it will put you in good stead in the long run.
So Junior SNAG and Sassy P, if you happen to forget all that I’ve mentioned above, because looking back, I can see that it’s quite long winded then perhaps you can just take on board this comment from the American poet Maya Angelou:
“I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
Perhaps a good thought to live by.
Mum
(Sally)
Follow Sally on Twitter @SallyEeles
