‘I’m best friends with my husband’s ex-girlfriend — just like Katy Perry’
It’s not often I look at a world-famous multi-millionaire popstar with a history of dressing up as hamburgers and think ‘hard relate,’ but last weekend that happened when Katy Perry gushed about her friendship with her fiancé Orlando Bloom’s supermodel ex Miranda Kerr.
The Firework singer was presenting an award to Kerr at the 20th G’Day USA Arts Gala in Los Angeles when she made her comments.
“Many of you may be confused as to why I’m presenting Miranda with this award. It doesn’t fit the ex-wife, new wife narrative. Many in the media would like to see us mud wrestle... but this is about love, and Miranda is love. I’m so grateful for our modern blended family. It’s like I gained another sister, one with whom I usually sidebar from the main family chat and agree with.”
Perry then doubled down on her affection for Kerr, who shares 12-year-old son Flynn with Bloom, in the form of an effusive Instagram post which featured the pair looking delighted with one another on the red carpet.
My version of this is happy extended family is, needless to say, slightly less glamorous.
I, too, am good friends with my husband’s ex. And not just in a ‘can be civil for 30 minutes at a party’ way. I’m talking regular fortnight long holidays all together. She hired me to do the copywriting for her company, making her my boss. We went to each other’s hen parties and weddings. I ring her in a crisis.
And this isn’t me showcasing my emotional maturity and generosity of spirit. My husband has another ex that I simply cannot abide even though I have only met her a couple of times and she didn’t say or do anything unreasonable or threatening. It’s just that her world view is very different to mine, shall we say, and it confuses me that he was attracted to her but then married me.
But with the ex who is now my friend in her own right I have never — not once, not for one tiny little second — felt animosity or jealousy or scorn towards her. And it’s not because she’s not attractive or talented: she is both of those things as well as being popular, funny and kind. Maybe it’s to do with her and my husband having gone out so long ago: they were literally teenagers. Maybe it helps that she is now married to someone lovely and that all our children are best friends.
But probably it’s because she’s not overbearing or knowing or smug — the complete opposite of ‘the dreaded ex’ trope. She doesn’t constantly say stuff to him like “God, can you remember when…” and start nipping down memory lane back to the good old days where inside jokes were so much funnier.
For my part, I don’t poke the bear. I have never, after a few pinots, asked questions I might not like the answers to. That is hugely important. It is, frankly, absolutely deathly to truffle around for scraps of information about something that is over and therefore completely irrelevant. Not only is it the worst possible look to seem obsessed with something everyone else has forgotten, it is guaranteed to make you feel both sick and unsatisfied.
The main thing I identify with when I think about Perry and Kerr is that it’s not really about Bloom anymore. With me and my husband’s ex-girlfriend, he’s not the main thing we have in common anymore. That’s the key I think.
I’m not suggesting that it’s easy — who you are friends with is not subject to a formula and is there anything worse, really, than celebrities or civilians alike urging women to be friends with one another just because… sisterhood?
But I’m saying it’s possible. Even for mere mortals like me.