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[6 AM]— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) January 15, 2020
Child [coming out of bedroom]: Do you think Lightning McQueen has car insurance or life insurance?
Me [rubbing temples]: it is way too early for this
It’s amazing humans can learn something new everyday. For example, every Tuesday my husband learns our son has soccer practice at 6.— Jessie (@mommajessiec) January 14, 2020
75% of parenting in the winter is convincing your kids not to wear shorts— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) January 15, 2020
I'm no parenting expert, but I know that when you buy your child a kit that says "make your own," it's not your child who will be making their own. It's you.— SpacedMom (@copymama) January 12, 2020
There is a child.— Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) January 16, 2020
In my house.
With a fucking whistle.
New parent: So you have been a parent for 4 years. Any insight?— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) January 15, 2020
Me: It's great. Sometimes you want to escape by faking your own death. But I'm sure it's just a phase.
New parent: Oh, ok. How long does that last?
Me: So far? 4 years.
It’s funny how much energy my children have until I tell them it’s time to take a bath.— Crockett️ (@CrockettForReal) January 15, 2020
My son forgot he needed a new spiral notebook for today & is annoyed I don’t have one like, sorry our house didn’t magically transform into a Staples last night.— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) January 16, 2020
Wife: want to have sex?— WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) January 15, 2020
Me: oh hell yeah.
Toddler: *eye’s snapping open from a dead sleep* not on my watch.
If I ever get kidnapped and taken to an undisclosed location, I'm sure my five year old will...