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Until I became a parent I never thought I would hear another human cry, because they stomped their own hands
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) August 6, 2020
I asked my son to turn down his music and he 'okayed boomer' me so now we're turning off the wi-fi for a bit
— Low Ki 🌺 (@Alohababe2011) August 4, 2020
People who say “enjoy every moment” have never sat next to my kids eating chips.
— luke i am your mother (@MommaUnfiltered) August 4, 2020
Me: I've been so patient and I haven't yelled at the kids once today
Husband: The kids have been at your mom's house all day
— Christina Crawford (@mommy_dopest) August 4, 2020
My kids counted one less snail in their fish tank so now they’re crying, pointing at me because I’ve told them I tried a snail once at a fancy restaurant on vacation, some 20 years back.
— Ms. Havisham (@MissHavisham) August 1, 2020
if you can spend most of the day turning off lights and closing cabinet doors that you have just turned off and closed then motherhood might be for you
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) August 3, 2020
My four year old loves eating sugar. I don't mean candy or sweets--I just walked in the kitchen and found him wrist-deep in the sugar jar, his face and shirt dusted white, like some Nickelodeon version of Tony Montana getting high on his own supply.
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) August 6, 2020
Take your kid swimming so they can LOUDLY exclaim that they just peed in the water.
— Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) August 6, 2020
Baby proofing is great because your kids solve it in 6 months but it stays on your cabinets, drawers, and outlets for another 10 irritating years.
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) August 4, 2020