What To Say To A Friend Who's Constantly Body Shaming Themselves
“Ugh, I’m huge. My thighs look like tree trunks in these shorts.”
When a friend starts criticizing their body in front of you, it’s hard to know what to say. Your instinct might be to tell them they’re crazy to even think that. Or maybe you feel inclined to jump in and start talking badly about your own body to make them feel less alone.
But these go-to responses, however well-intentioned, can actually do more harm than good. We asked an eating disorder therapist and a psychology professor to explain why engaging in this kind of negative body talk can be so damaging and how to handle it instead.
The Negative Effects Of ‘Fat Talk’
Any negative comments about body weight, shape, size or eating and exercise habits can be considered “fat talk.” These critical remarks may be made about ourselves (“My arms are massive”) or somebody else (“She does not have the body to pull off that dress”).
Engaging in fat talk is linked to increased body dissatisfaction, body shame and disordered eating behaviors, according to Northwestern University psychology professor Renee Engeln, author of “Beauty Sick: How the Cultural Obsession with Appearance Hurts Girls and Women.”
In a 2012 study of 87 college women of a healthy weight, Engeln and her colleague found that just hearing peers make two brief “fat talk” remarks comparing themselves to a model in a magazine ad was enough to increase the subjects’ levels of dissatisfaction with their own bodies.
“Hearing these kinds of comments also increased the women’s feelings of guilt and shame,” Engeln said. “We found a similar pattern when we studied men — hearing another man engage in fat talk increased men’s body dissatisfaction.”
That means when you talk poorly about your own body, it not only has a negative impact on you but also on those around you. This can be especially damaging when you consider that the person criticizing their shape or size is often not the...
