Don't tweet about $ASS

·2-min read

I am not a smart man.

Earlier today I tweeted about $ASS, a cryptocurrency named after a dog. In this case, Australian Shepherds. And after doing that obviously stupid thing, my Twitter feed became chock-full of ass-related imagery, memes and $ASS coin stans breathing on me.

It's all very annoying as I run Tweetdeck on a work laptop which is now very, well, dicey a proposition given what I'm being sent.

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$ASS is short for Australian Safe Shepherd, by the by. It's a cryptocurrency that, much like Dogecoin, is a joke.

A joke that its own website doesn't take too seriously. For example, if you navigate to AssFinance, you will find a very detailed look at $ASS's technical underpinnings, and plans for the future:

I found this hilarious. So I tweeted about it. And then everyone in the $ASS world began to assault my Twitter. Pro-tip: This is not a good way to get taken seriously. But as $ASS is not trying to be taken seriously, does that even matter?

The coin is effectively a limpid pump, a cryptocurrency designed to get early adopters to spread the word about it, and then hold. It built its economics around just those goals:

But enough of all that. Why do we give a shit about $ASS? A few reasons:

  • This sort of financial stupidity is funny, but some regular folks are going to get burned.

  • The $ASS pump is indicative of the level of speculation present in the cryptocurrency world today, which is likely to the credibility detriment of more serious projects. And helps explain how bitcoin has managed the price appreciation it has in recent quarters.

  • $ASS coin is up 1,794.3% in the last 14 days, per CoinGecko. This is likely key to its current charm; people love free money and past gains make for an attractive lie to oneself concerning future returns.

As a concept, $ASS fits neatly into my budding view that as current generations of people in their 20s and 30s are desperate for a firmer foothold on a middle-class life than today's wage-weak, healthcare-deficient and labor-unfriendly economy is willing to provide, moon-shots on speculative bullshit have outsized appeal compared to other times in American history when it was easier to afford a house.

And while it's hard to be serious about a butt dog-themed bit of internet money, $ASS is, well, very 2021. And who are we to pretend to be better than covering a shitcoin? Even if only to mock it.

Bloomberg has more on $ASS if you want a more serious take about an unserious project.