In a recent post shared to the “Two Hot Takes” Reddit forum, a groomsman, who goes by the username u/Exotic_Resolution_45, shared the group text that he received from his sister, as she’s preparing for her wedding.
He started off by providing some context about his family, noting that he also has two other sisters, Lisa and Maggie, who both have children. He specified that during the wedding, his four children will be 17, 14, three, and one and a half, while Lisa’s three children will be 14, 11, and eight. Meanwhile, Maggie’s three children will be nine, five, and one and a half during their sister’s upcoming wedding.
The Reddit user also described how pricey it will be for him to attend some of the wedding festivities, explaining: “[My wife and I] will be travelling 1,200 plus miles to the wedding, Airbnb a house, renting cars... ultimately spending quite a bit of money.” He also added that while there was “early talk about how there weren’t kids at the wedding,” there could still be “immediate family” there.
After noting that his wife and two sisters were in the wedding party, he went on to share that text he received from the bride, which included a list of rules about their children. The first rule was: “No babies/children allowed at the bachelorette/ bachelor party,” while the second one was: “No babies/ children allowed while we are getting ready” for the wedding.
“We need them to be watched during the [wedding] day until family photos are scheduled,” the bride wrote about the second rule. “And even then you need someone to hold and help while photos are being done (Mom and dad will not be able to help).”
For the third rule on the list, the Reddit user’s sister expressed that, while babies and children are allowed to join the wedding “after dinner” and for “a small part of the reception,” they then “need to go to the house next door” for the rest of the evening.
The fourth rule stated that the maid of honour couldn’t be holding her children during the reception or dinner, since she’ll “be making speeches,” before the text concluded with a final rule: “No holding babies during the ceremony.”
After specifying that the parents needed to find someone to hold their children, since their mother and father won’t be free to do so, the bride also explained how there will be a spot for children to hang out at during the wedding.
“We have the house next door and the children can go there, and we will help find a babysitter for the night,” the bride wrote. “I really want to make sure we have a chance to celebrate and we are not worrying about the kids. It is important to us that y’all are there and having a great time at our wedding. We are excited to celebrate with y’all and have a stress-free night!”
According to the original poster, the text was about himself and Maggie, since they asked which of their children “specifically weren’t allowed” to attend the wedding. He explained why he and Maggie were concerned about their children for wedding activities, such as the bachelor or bachelorette parties.
“Maggie nurses may continue to do so, and the five-year-old is good. My wife nurses, may continue, and my then three-year-old has type 1 diabetes,” he added. He noted that he’s been thinking about points where he and his wife could go the wedding, and end up being “stressed about the babies”.
“How’s his blood sugar...he’s low..is he getting a snack?” he wrote about his son. “Is he getting a correction dose?...I also won’t drink because we have to wake up to any alarms for high or low blood sugars.”
He acknowledged that another option in the situation was to “decline to go” to the wedding, expressing that if it were anyone else’s nuptials, he and his wife “wouldn’t deal with the hassle”. However, he said that if he did that in this situation, it “would create a mess with the family,” so another choice was to skip the bachelor and bachelorette trips, or “ask to be taken out of the wedding party”.
The Reddit post concluded his post by emphaising that the trips and wedding will be stressful for him, since he’ll be apart from him children.
“So, we take time off work, and spend thousands for a trip that we are ultimately going to be dreading,” he wrote. “We won’t enjoy the day/evening because we will be concerned for the babies, especially the three-year-old and his care, and we’re told it’ll be a stress-free night.”
The post has quickly gone viral on Reddit, where it has amassed more than 8,500 upvotes. In the comments, some people noted that while the rules are “reasonable,” the bride was being a bit “strict,” given the fact that her nephew has diabetes.
“It is a fine line. You want to be there,” one wrote. “She wants you there but has made strict requirements for those who are in her inner circle. The health/wellbeing of your youngest children just means you can’t take such an active role but you can support her to the best of her abilities. Personally, while I get her wants, I just think they are messed up.”
“There’s no way I would leave my [type 1 diabetes] child with a generic random babysitter who is not trained medically or experienced in caring for a T1 child,” another wrote. “And who also is a complete freaking stranger!”
Other people went on to encourage the original poster to step down from being in the wedding party, since the bachelor and bachelorette parties would keep him away from his family for days. They also expressed how they understood the stress that the groomsman and his wife could feel as members of the wedding party.
“I would maybe politely decline due to the three-year-old’s health issues. Whoever is watching them is going to need to know what they are doing as far as monitoring him goes,” one wrote. “And what I mean by that is someone who is a bit trained medically or knows medically what they have to do to make sure he is monitored.”
“From your sister’s standpoint, it probably seems that, in order to have the perfect wedding day, she needs to be surrounded by all her family,” another wrote. “But for you and Maggie, your day is going to be spent worrying about your kids, trying to rush through everything to go check on the littles, wishing things would speed up, and mixed with all that you will have feelings of resentment towards your sister for putting you in this position. I would discuss with my wife what would be the best thing for our little family, particularly the three year old.”
The Independent has contacted u/Exotic_Resolution_45 for comment.