Remember when you plan to hand out a dodgy parking ticket, or you consider passing a dopey council by-law, there may be a cashed up and hilarious victim out there bent on revenge.
Eugene Mirman is a stand up comic and a voice on the popular animated series Bob’s Burgers. Recently he was in Portsmouth, New Hampshire, in the US and got a parking ticket.
Never one to vent quietly, Mirman responded entirely proportionally to his $15 fine by taking out a full-page ad in a local newspaper and ranting hilariously about the injustice of it all.
Read Eugene's full letter below
“I read the violation – we backed into a spot and were fined $15 for being “parked in the wrong direction”, the ad read.
“You’re probably thinking, “Well, if before visiting Portsmouth, like everyone else – you’d simply first gone to the City Clerk’s Office website, clickied on City of Portsmouth Ordinances and looked in Chapter Seven – Vehicles, Traffic and Parking. Right there in section 7.314 BACK TO THE CURB it says, ‘No vehicle shall remain backed up to the curb.’”
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“Similarly, if you had gone to my website before I came to your city and clicked on Eugene’s Ordinances, you’d know that in Chapter One under “F%#k You Don’t Steal My Money” in section 8.215 it says “F%#k you don’t steal my money.”
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According to Mirman, he searched the streets for signage warning against the backwards rule before resorting to mass media.
“I saw nothing, but I heard God’s voice, and he said, “This is f%#king bull$&it. You need to write them a letter,” his ad read.
And so he did, paying an as yet unclear amount of money to scream his message in a full page worth of newsprint.
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It turns out this is Mirman’s preferred method of civic and legal dispute resolution.
The popular and successful entertainer wrote a similarly hilarious letter in 2011 after falling out with Time Warner Cable, a pay TV company, in which his foe was likened to Joseph Stalin and Jeffrey Dahmer.
Morning news break – July 13