Welcome to parenting, where even success feels like failure — but it's still worth celebrating because you survived another week! Pat yourselves on the back.
I went out last night and my husband put the 3yo and the baby to bed by himself, which neither of us has done alone yet. I got home and everyone was asleep and he was so calm, and I was like "Wow I'm so glad it well went!" and he was like "oh no, it went terribly." 😂
— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) September 21, 2023
Make sure you follow all these hilarious parents on Twitter!
Sex ed for teens should include loading kids, stroller, and groceries/sports equipment into the car while it’s pouring rain.
— One Awkward Mom (@oneawkwardmom) September 24, 2023
Took my 6 y/o daughter to a college football game and my dream of turning her into a fan quickly faded when she asked to go home in the first quarter because “we just watched this game on TV last week.”
— NicholasG (@Dad_At_Law) September 18, 2023
Why this little girl just recognized me in this store with her fine ass daddy?? So embarrassing this girl saying “yeah she makes tiktoks” . NO LITTLE GIRL IM A MARKETING DATA ANALYST.
— niccoya ⭐️ (@niccoyat) September 21, 2023
Our 3yo made us sit and watch her performance, meaning she twirled around the living room for 5 minutes singing “Kitties eat corn” and at the end she pointed at us and said “What do kitties eat?” and we said “Corn!” Giving this one a 10/10 for the audience engagement alone.
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) September 19, 2023
i looked out the window to enjoy the beautiful view of our mountains. i then looked over to the left toward the end of our driveway and i see my 10 yo and 8 yo. they were twerking whenever cars came by. we have to move now.
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) September 21, 2023
The eight year old: Why doesn’t anyone else seem to notice how embarrassing everything is?Me: Oh some of us notice trust me
— Amber Sparks (@ambernoelle) September 19, 2023
I’m giving dirty looks to this dad at the cafe whose kid is being obnoxious but he’s not doing anything about it so I guess I’m going to have to deal with it because he’s my kid too or whatever
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) September 24, 2023
On my son’s birthday each year, I like to think back to 2017 when Carvel wrote “Happy 2th Birthday” on his cake
— redyellowgreendance 💃🏻 (@RYGdance) September 18, 2023
I’m directing a psychological thriller called my twins are running against each other for student council.
— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) September 21, 2023
there are SO many hard things about parenting, but the worst? the absolute worst?????? making dinner, hands down
— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) September 16, 2023
I got a new pair of wide leg jeans, my first pair since probably my teen years.My 12yo gave me a hug and said “awwww” like it was adorable that I was trying to be trendy 😂😂
— Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) September 21, 2023
Leaving the park with my kids, we discovered a bunch of guys sitting and smoking on the hood of our car, and I'm proud to report I was Stern* and Confrontational** about it*said "dude!" quietly**pushed the lock button on my key fob to beep the horn and slightly startle them
— Amy Colleen (@sewistwrites) September 21, 2023
Parenting is weird because you find yourself saying things like: that was a cute story but you know if you ever meet a real bear with a toothache you shouldn’t try to help it, right?
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) September 19, 2023
Apparently my kid speaks to his math homework the same way he speaks to me. pic.twitter.com/I6rxDKxyJF
— kidversations (@kidversations_) September 20, 2023
“Ohhh. Because it’s our dog’s birthday.”-my 5 yo son after noticing I was wearing a blouse rather than a t-shirt today
— kindminds_smarthearts (@kindminds_) September 21, 2023
Someone asked me if I wanted to be the Girl Scout troop leader and I laughed so hard I farted.
— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) September 24, 2023
Wife: You sure you got all 4 kids while I head out tonight?Me: Yup, easy peasy.Narrator: But things were NOT lemon squeezy
— Dad Pickup Line (@dadpickupline) September 23, 2023
Heard a woman in Target ask her kid ‘is that a smart choice to make with your money?’ and now I wish she would follow me around the store, too.
— One Awkward Mom (@oneawkwardmom) September 22, 2023
Me: Hey, am I too wrinkly?Child: You're old, that's going to happen.Me: I MEANT MY SHIRT.
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) September 20, 2023
Why would I pay for an escape room when I can be trapped in a school pickup line in the boiling heat with a bunch of entitled parents who think they can cut in line and a kid in the backseat screaming and kicking my seat for free
— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) September 22, 2023
My 3yo (who is extremely clean for a toddler) keeps crying at mealtimes because “I don’t like watching the baby eat, she’s so messy” and honestly, same
— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) September 17, 2023
If moms were awarded stickers. pic.twitter.com/pDGVBQJ7gN
— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) September 18, 2023
Why am I the only dad here for parent-teacher conferences? Am I the only dad who can take time off work? The only dad to view this as a parenting duty, not a mommy duty? The only dad who often marks the wrong date on his calendar? The conferences are tomorrow, aren't they? Dammit
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) September 20, 2023
*My kids were roleplaying my wife and I*8yo *Being me*: Is this tweet funny? Can I post it?5yo *Being my wife*: Can you please leave me alone for 5 minutes to drink my coffee?!
— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) September 18, 2023
I’ve been texting with “Isla’s mom” for 3 years. When is a good time to ask her her name?
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) September 18, 2023
Please excuse the state of my house, it will be clean if you can come back in 2053 when all my kids have moved out
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) September 24, 2023