Women Shared What Really Happens When Having An Abortion, And Their Stories Are Very Important
One of the hot-button issues of the 2024 US presidential election has been reproductive health care for people who identify as women.
Kamala Harris wholeheartedly supports a woman's right to choose what to do with her body, like having access to abortion.
Donald Trump, however, changes his stance on reproductive health care for women often. If elected, it's questionable whether he'll support abortion or ban it completely.
Trump's contradictory past has inspired famous women like Stevie Nicks to use her platform to talk about her own abortion experience, validating how essential women's rights are.
And because this is a major issue in the 2024 US presidential election, it's also important to share stories from "regular" women. There are multiple sides to the coin, and it's vital to highlight all of them.
So, here's what they had to say:
Note: Submissions were pulled from these two Reddit threads.
Note: Everyone's experience with abortion is different, and there isn't "one standard" situation. The spectrum is wide, and these stories aren't universal.
Warning: This post contains subjects of domestic abuse, sensitive clinical experiences, and graphic abortion imagery. Please proceed with caution.
1."I was 14. My boyfriend and I were young and didn't really know how sex worked, all because of his religious parents and my absent ones. I ended up pregnant. [Asking her to come with me to get my abortion] was the only time I ever asked my mom for anything. It's the kindest thing she ever did for me. I lied to my dad and told him mom was taking me shopping for the day. We waited for three hours in the lobby, then went back to get the procedure done. To give an indication of how young I really was, I have a distinct memory of sticking my tongue out at the doctor when she told me something I didn't like. The procedure itself wasn't horrible, but it was not pleasant. It was like really strong menstrual cramps by a machine that made a kind of grinding noise, and five minutes or so later, I was done."
"I had to take pills for the next week or so to help shrink my uterus back to its 'normal size' (my pregnancy was about 13 weeks old when it was terminated). My boyfriend was adamant about me taking my pills and doing everything I was supposed to do; he was really kind and helped me a lot.
It's not that I'm proud of it, but I know my life would have ended up a failure if I had a baby. My family wouldn't have supported me, my body wasn't ready, and I would have dropped out of high school and likely become a miserable shell of a person. I either would have had to give up my childhood and life for a child I didn't want or give up a child I always would have yearned to know and would agonize over.
I'm now married to that boyfriend, a college graduate with a full-time job, and at 29, I am finally learning who I am and beginning to love myself. Growing up religious I carried a lot of shame about my abortion, but the older I get the more I realize that I was a child myself who needed help in a situation my parents could have prevented.
I did the best thing for me, and while I'm not at the point where I could share it with my in-laws or friends, I'm not ashamed anymore. I know it was the greatest 'wrong' thing I've ever done."
2."I was on a new low-dose pill, and the dose was too low, and it failed. I was with a man with I’d been in a loving and fulfilling relationship for over five years. We weren’t in the right place. We were not prepared in terms of finances or maturity or any other measure. We had discussed our feelings on family planning at the beginning of our relationship and were together and prepared. We were well-educated about fetal development, the abortion process, and the consequences. I had a safe, legal, pharmaceutical abortion two days after I found out I was pregnant. No complications and no regrets. That was almost two decades ago. I am married to that same man and will love him with my dying breath. We now have two amazing children who are happy and well-adjusted, partly due to me and my husband feeling ready as a couple when they were born. I can provide those children with financial stability, health care, and a college education."
3."I was with a guy whom I loved, but we were only together for two months. Accidents happen, what can I say? I was living abroad, not too well in the head — super depressed, stressed, unable to take care of myself. He was in the same situation as me. I literally had no food for months. If I did have the baby, they would've been malnourished and continued to be so into their childhood, and I would've had to resort to making money in alternative ways (that may or may not have been legal). It wasn't a good situation."
4."The father didn't want to be a father yet, and I wanted to finish my PhD, which, while not impossible, would have been harder for me while being pregnant (and later being a parent). Yes, we used protection, but 99% effective means one in 100 times it isn't. While we would have done our best as parents, if an abortion wasn't an option, we didn't have a great relationship. It was toxic even. We wouldn't have had much money, so I don't believe that it would have been a great life for that child. He's now married with kids, and I am with a partner and considering having them, too. Now, I feel I can give a child a better quality of life than back then. I think that raising a child in a toxic home environment should at least be considered a form of torture, if people are arguing that abortion is 'murder.'"
5."I was in my mid-thirties, happily married with two kids and a good job, when my birth control pill failed (despite taking it at the same time every single morning without exception). My husband and I talked endlessly and considered every possible outcome with either choice. In the end, at around 10 weeks, we decided to terminate. It was not an easy decision, and I definitely second-guessed myself several times along the way. Now, years later, I know it was the right choice for us without a doubt. Every now and then, I have a passing thought of what could have been, but I am happy with what is. For my body and my family, I know I made the right choice."
6."It definitely wasn't the time in my life for me to bring a child into the world (I did, however, toss and turn for 11 weeks over the decision). It was an incredibly hard one to make, and I spent the next two years in a pretty bad depression over it. Either decision you choose to make at the end of the day, you won't regret it. I made the right choice, but live with the sadness of it every single day."
"If you choose to keep a child, you'll be happy about your choice, but it'll still be really hard because raising a kid is hard. I reckon either way, as long as you make the choice that you truly want and don't listen to the advice of others, you will end up on the right path for yourself."
7."I was dating a guy who was abusive in every way. He threw out my birth control pretty early on, forced me to have sex with him, and he said using a condom 'wasn't an option.' After about a year, I missed my period. I took a pregnancy test from the dollar store. Two days later, I changed the locks on the door and got him out long enough to have an abortion. We got back together for a bit afterward, and he never knew I had it done. If he was 'okay' with putting his hands on me, god only knows what would’ve happened to that kid. I will never ever regret it."
8."I deeply regret having an abortion — my 'friends with benefits' got me pregnant after my birth control failed. I felt so sick and fatigued and awful during the pregnancy. I couldn't have kept the kid because I lived at home and was stuck in an abusive household where it would be unsafe for me to have a child. My 'friends with benefits' wouldn't have been a good parent or taken care of the baby himself. I reluctantly made the decision to have an abortion, and the mental toll has been overwhelming. A year later, and the regret still plagues me."
"I grieve and yearn for the child I should have had — I just want to hold them in my arms. I want my baby. I wish I had done everything to have kept it and escaped home and raised my little one myself."
9."I was 27 and married, and we did not want children. I called a clinic as soon as I found out and had an abortion three days later. Prior to the appointment, I was very scared it would be painful because I had an IUD that hurt so much. But it was not. The worst part was having to go through all the security at the clinic and be reminded that people wanted to hurt me because I was doing this — but my friends and family members were supportive and great."
"One thing that surprised me was the all-consuming panic I felt during the three days I knew I was pregnant. Of course, I knew before I got pregnant that I didn't want to have children, but suddenly, I felt complete terror and desperation.
I felt like my body was being occupied and that I had lost control. I had nightmares that I had gone to sleep and woke up to find out it was too late to have an abortion. I was paralyzed by fear.
If you want children or even imagine wanting them someday, maybe this is hard to understand, but for me, it was such a terrible possibility that I rejected it entirely. If I had not been able to have an abortion, I think I would have lost it.
I would not have this life that I love so much had it not been for having an abortion."
10."I made a choice that was my right to make with a great deal of consideration and no hesitation, and I do not regret it for even a millisecond. I didn't plan to get pregnant — I didn't want a child, and there's no reason needed more than that. If by some miracle I was in this situation again, I would 1,000% without a doubt choose to [have an abortion] again. To reiterate: I don't want human beings created who aren't truly wanted — every human deserves to be wanted."
11."I've had three abortions, and I don't regret the first two at all. The third one I'm sad about because I was ready and my partner wasn't, but to me, it felt like the right thing to do because I wanted to honor his choice as well. So, in that sense, I don't regret it, but I have complicated feelings about the third abortion."
12."I don’t regret it because I wasn’t in the position to care for a baby or be able to support myself at the time. I have four kids 15 years later, but the abortion showed me that getting one is scary when you have to go to an illegal clinic. Many girls and I were in an abortion assembly line — they had old equipment they cleaned me up with, like a mop bucket. It was completely unsanitary, and it was dangerous that they gave me medication to make me 'loopy' (a woman also gave me a rag to bite onto during the procedure)."
"I felt every tug and rip, and I screamed and cried from the pain. They sat me down on a couch for 15 minutes afterward, gave me one painkiller from a bottle, and then sent me home. I drove myself, and I bled all over my car on my way home — I saw the side of an illegal abortion, and it sticks with me to this day."
13."The first time I had sex with this guy, I got pregnant. I found out he was an alcoholic when I found out I was pregnant, and there was no way I was having a kid with him. When I broke up with him, he constantly tried to pressure me to get an abortion (even though I told him I was already having one and had it scheduled)."
14."[My abortion] was not by choice — I was gutted that I didn't have a viable second pregnancy. I had every intention of giving my son a sibling — I cried going in, and my family was terrible during that crisis of a week (and my husband was horrible and useless). At one point, a few days after the hospital, we got into a yelling fight over me not cooking dinner when he got home (he's my ex-husband now). I cried in recovery at the hospital and was given more meds to just stop, and I still have those truly dreadful comments, remarks, and statements burned into my brain. I felt so thrown off by this — I went to a completely different OBGYN for my third pregnancy that ended up being perfectly healthy."
15."I have had two abortions — I am deeply sad that I had to have two, but the circumstances around both were so incredibly confusing and complex that in those moments they were right for me. I do not regret them at all, but they do make me sad to think back on."
16."The peace came as soon as I was able to leave and feel safe not looking over my shoulder. I shouldn't have to go through something that was forced on me, and I'll never tell another person they have to, either. I have a child now who I love more than anything with an incredible person, and later on, when we're ready for a second child, we'll be looking into fostering or adoption. I have never once doubted my choice to have an abortion — it saved my life."
17."Nobody prepares you for what you feel after having an abortion, and they expect you to be okay because 'you made that choice yourself.' I may be happy not to be attached to that person anymore, but sometimes, someone else is making the choice for you, and you’re the one left to suffer. Everyone isn't equipped to cope with that kind of loss."
18.And, "I was forced to have an abortion by the baby daddy who was my significant other for four years. Then, when I asked him to make a choice between me and living with his mom (I’m 29F, he’s 30M), he chose to live with his mom. So, I regret doing something I didn’t want to do. Looking back now, I’m glad it happened — I went to nursing school afterward, got my mental health in a much better place, got a new job, and broke up with the baby daddy."
Note: Some submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.
If you or someone you know is in immediate danger as a result of domestic violence, call 911. For anonymous, confidential help, you can call the 24/7 National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE) or chat with an advocate via the website.
You can find more resources and information about reproductive freedom on the American Civil Liberties Union website.
