Another Australia Day is upon us and, as always, it brings no shortage of easy targets for people who write opinion columns. You've got those car-mounted flags, for starters, how annoying are those? Or what about the perennial issue of celebrating a dark day for indigenous Australia?
In the Toohey's Extra Dry-fuelled fugue of this nation's jingoism we recognise the importance of barbecue sausages and the Hottest 100 more readily than we do the First Australians.
And then there's the appropriation of Australia Day by the bogan masses - perhaps the easiest target of all.
But, just as I wouldn't slight a Christian on Christmas, I'm not going to stick the boot into bogans on their most holy of days.
So, while bogans observe the sacred rituals of this day - i.e. getting wasted in an inflatable pool in someone's backyard - I'm going to switch the focus to the Labour Day long weekend instead.
In particular, an event that has been billed as Perth's "first premier white party", Blanca; not to be confused with the FTV White Party or the Tsvetnenkos' Party Like the Gods event that had a predominantly white theme.
Wearing all white makes you look like a high roller, doesn't it? Umm, no, it makes you look like a douche - especially when your fake tan leaves a stain on your white pants that looks suspiciously like a skidmark.
The only time it's acceptable to be at a party where all the guests are in white is if you're a dental nurse attending an after-work function.
Or at a Klan meeting.
Diddy's white party, according to the promoters, is the inspiration behind Blanca but even Diddy got sick of white parties - he hasn't thrown one since 2009.
The only other high-profile white party worth namechecking is the one that happens at upmarket Bali bar Ku De Ta.
That's an amazing bar in an exotic setting; Blanca, by comparison, will be in a tent at Matilda Bay, with its only exotic quality being the odours coming from the Swan River on a hot summer's day.
You might be wondering why I've got it in for Blanca; after all, it's just another high-end lifestyle event, right?
Normally, I'd probably let it through to the keeper but many things about this event scream stupid to me and I'm frankly over newbie promoters thinking all you have to do is recycle a cliche concept to make money out of people - in this case tickets start from $250.
And what do you get for that price? Other than the food and beverage package, party-goers will be treated to tunes spun by DJ Mishtee, who a few months ago had a residency at Village Bar on a Friday night.
It's simply not up to scratch when compared with truly premium events like the annual Cuban Club, which offers international-standard entertainment.
Almost forgot, guests will also have the chance to ogle Jennifer Hawkins from afar! Who would have thought the former Miss Universe herself would be up for a party in Perth - it must be a special party, huh?
Stump up enough cash and you could probably get Jen to attend the aforementioned dental nurses' shindig, so let's not get too excited.
The only clever thing the promoters have done in this case is engage one of Perth's best PR agencies, which, along with Hawkins' cachet, has garnered some media coverage they didn't deserve.
Sadly, because the event falls on the Labour Day long weekend (on the same day as Future Music - nice one), I've got no doubt there will be plenty of cashed-up bogans eager to don their finest white clobber.
But I honestly couldn't imagine anything worse.
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12 Comments
It's a bit amusing. Sea levels were lower when the natives (of now PNG) trekked across the landbridge which connected that land mass to this one (Oz). The sea levels rose ( without the help of Prof Flannery),cutting them off, a natural occurance over which they had no control or knew about. Does this mean that we must call the migrants out of Africa,the original owners of every country on the planet ?
5 RepliesI doubt the guy in the middle picture could look cool in anything where as P.Diddy. could wear a shopping bag and still look good ... but I do get the point of the article. White parties are so last century. Surely promoters can think of something new.
ReplyAre you australia's worst journo
ReplyWhat a wonderfully cryptic article. Ben's allusion to the KKK says it all. Proud conquerors celebrating the white victory over blacks. Having stolen their country these 'white' parties can only be described as racist gloating gatherings! Aussies are not whiter than white. Deep down their mentality is blacker than black!
2 RepliesI had to laugh! The PM and opposition leader will need a change of underwear as well as new shoes! Try runners! Hopefully we will not see persecution payback as so often happens. They now know what will happen if try to break up the long time Aboriginal protest 'embassy'. Apologies anybody?
ReplyWell, there's things that never will be right I know And things need changin' everywhere you go But 'til we start to make a move to make a few things right You'll never see me wear a suit of white Ah, I'd love to wear a rainbow every day And tell the world that everything's okay But I'll try to carry off a little darkness on my back Till things are brighter, I'm the Man In Black JOHNNY CASH
Replythe biggest racists this country have ARE the aboriginals , get a job and EARN your money .
2 RepliesLost her shoe? That's encouraging for Tony Abbott ... 'cause he's hoping she'll get the boot!
ReplySterculius was the Roman God of manure heaps. It's true! I reckon the Clan member (above) would be an excellent candidate for an offering to the Gods, by turning him upside down and pile-driving him into a heap of manure. This type of pointy head is absolutely ideal for the purpose, you see ... and he's obviously no bloody use for anything else!
Reply"I think a lot has changed for the better since then," he told reporters in Sydney. "I think the indigenous people of Australia can be very proud of the respect in which they are held by every Australian. YER WHAT????????
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