FROM THE OFFICE OF ALAN CARPENTER.

To the people of Western Australia I am so sorry that my government disappointed you. Boy did you make that clear. Were you angry? Does Brian Burke wear panama hats?! You asked for better, you deserved better, and next time, if there is a next time, I promise we'll get it right. I promise, I promise, I promise.

How could I have been so stupid? After all our State is blessed with what I like to call a MINING BOOM. We should all be rolling in it. And for me and my team to squander that bounty is so dumb that even I am amazed at our dumbness. Which I suppose is why you turned against me. It's just that I thought that the chair sniffing thingie would be enough to distract you from our own incompetence. Sorry.

I took you for granted but I'll never do it again. I hear you. I've heard you. Give me one more chance please, please, please.

Yours,

Alan.

FROM THE OFFICE OF NATHAN REES.

To the people of New South Wales, first of all, "hello". I'm the new bloke you've never heard of who is now running your State. G'day. Anyway I am so sorry that my government has so thoroughly disappointed you. I promise we'll do better. And yes I know that we already used that excuse at the last election when we fessed up to being pretty damn awful and promised to do better and then broke that promise almost as quickly as we made it but this time I promise that our promise that we are a really, really bad government who will try to be better even though we've never been much good is a promise that I'll keep unlike the last promise which wasn't kept because we were just too awfully incompetent to keep it. Yes I know that we broke that promise and did a lot, lot worse but that was under the other bloke and even though I am using pretty much the same dull team as him, the same dull team that got us into this mess, this time I promise that this old team will be a new team and will fix everything we broke and be a lot, lot better that the abject duds we have proved our ourselves to be over year after inept year in office.

It probably doesn't inject a lot of confidence that I have next to no experience in Government and hardly any in the private sector (or what you might call the ‘real world') but if you can put all that aside and suspend your disbelief I promise that this time we'll get it right. Oh, and fairies really do live at the bottom of the garden.

Love,

Nathan.

(Woo hoo I'm Premier!)

FROM THE OFFICE OF BRENDAN NELSON.

To the people of Australia I am so sorry you turned against me in the Mayo by-election to elect Alexander Downer's replacement. Whoa, we only just scraped in, in a seat that has always been safe Liberal. How did that happen? Don't answer that! I am sorry too that I drone on and on and on inspiring little more than a cure for insomnia. I am sorry that my hair could double as kitchen scourer and that my principles are as flexible as very, very bendy rubber. I am sorry that my team is ahead of me on global warming and behind me not at all. I am sorry that I have fallen well short of providing a credible alternative government.

Yours in abject sorryness,

Brendan.

FROM THE OFFICE OF THE PRIME MINISTER.

I am sorry that the engaging, warm, cheeky, humorous man you saw on Sunrise has morphed into an automaton sprouting bureaucratese at every possible opportunity.

Sorry,

Kev.

FROM THE PEOPLE OF AUSTRALIA.

What a sorry lot you all are.

Yours sincerely,

The Australian voting public