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Friday, May 24th, 2013

David Salmon

Dads with obese thumbs can’t type on iPhomes

Daughter Two was giving me the look.The one that tells me I’m not performing at the level she expects.As usual, it was followed by the giggle. When she stopped laughing, she set me straight. Again.“Dad, why are your thumbs so fat? You’re making mist...
May 14, 9:04 am
Getting ready to remember my wonderful mum

For a tiny woman, Mum sure packed a punch.Whether you were a school administrator, a local politician or a teenage son, it was wise not to tangle with her.She was always polite, of course. But beware the terrier, if she thought the wrong thing was b...
May 7, 1:05 pm
My mates, the old time cops. Why locking up bad guys never goes out of fashion.

The first police officer I knew was a family friend. A giant of a man, with shiny black boots so big that babies could have slept in them.He ran our town like a smiling version of Clint Eastwood, in an early spaghetti western.We would see him walkin...
April 30, 2:24 pm
How we let Black Caviar into our family. And we don't want to let her go

The tears have dried up now. We've composed ourselves, knowing the journey has come to an end.And what a journey it was. Twenty-five starts. Twenty-five wins.I remember Steve Hewlett on 4TAB giving her a wrap after her second or third win. Said she ...
April 18, 9:11 am
Great lessons in using public transport. If only I could find a timetable

I stood on the platform, doing a fair impersonation of someone with absolutely no idea.You wouldn’t think catching a bus would be too difficult. I’m told lots of people do it every day.They know where they’re going. They have studied timetables. Pos...
April 9, 10:47 am
The art of singing to babies. How much damage could a Kenny Rogers song do?

The thing with babies is that they’re so small.You forget, when you haven’t held one for a while. A decade qualifies.The girls and I paid a visit to a great mate’s bub last weekend. A 5 week old bundle of cuteness.They were impressed with how easily...
April 2, 12:43 pm
And on the Seventh Day, someone decided we’d have race meetings.

I’m old enough to remember when we didn’t race on a Sunday.Some of you will find that hard to believe. No races anywhere. Nothing.Horses would stay at home. Trainers and jockeys would do other things. Like go to church. Or the pub. Or they’d go to c...
March 25, 8:28 am
Going through life, hand in hand with my girls. As long as no-one is looking

Daughter Two has had enough of hand-holding.There’s been no official edict. No declaration. It's just not cool.Her hand is no longer available. She'll show affection in her own, 12-year-old way. Usually via a quick hug.She has gone down the same pat...
March 19, 9:07 am
Smile, Dad, and bite your tongue. Daughters who want to be the life of the party.

It’s party time. Every weekend, it seems. Day and night. And anywhere in between.The girls have hit the fun stage of their young lives. The Teenager has been leading the way. Daughter Two is keen to make up for lost time.Parties are springing up lik...
March 12, 9:28 am
Putting it out there. What jockeys really mean on Twitter.

I enjoy reading what jockeys think on Facebook and Twitter. It makes us mug punters feel like we’re part of the family. Even if we’re at the table set aside for the kids.They’re not allowed to tip, but every now and then we get pointed in the right ...
March 12, 7:56 am
Mates for 45 years. A bloke who’ll always be our Captain. Even if he falls asleep mid-sentence.

We’ve known each other since we were 4 years old.Kindergarten buddies. First day, with Miss Thorburn.I don’t remember the finer details, but I’m sure he would have been organising us. Who could sit where. What we’d do at the lunch break.We were toge...
March 5, 10:33 am
Waterlogged memories. The change in rain, that's driving me insane

It’s true, my memory isn’t what it used to be.I forget things, past and present. Something to do with age. And other stuff I can’t recall.I’m sure the rain used to be different. There, I said it. Back when things were in black and white. Yes, it’s s...
February 26, 10:12 am
Where did all those candles come from? Coping with birthdays for the elderly

I have a birthday coming up. It’s not The Big One, but it’s fair to say I can see that disturbing number looming large.This one will be relatively painless. A few nice dinners, with no need for reflection. That will come next year.There was a time w...
February 19, 11:27 am
My brush with Drugs in Sport. How we performed on the original sports supplements

It was the summer we decided to get serious about our fitness.Three of us made a pact. For the first time, we would get fair dinkum with our training. Start the footy season in tip-top shape.We turned the old garage into a gymnasium. A faded, heavy ...
February 12, 11:02 am
Don’t worry, be happy. From Jack Gibson to Gandhi, words of wisdom to make us happy

There are certain stages in life, when there’s no need for worry.The first few hours of life are usually stress free. Hopefully, the mind will be clear around the time of our final breath. With any luck, there are a few peaceful periods in between.W...
February 5, 10:39 am
Life on hold. Convincing kids they CAN survive without their phone.

The Teenager’s eye was twitching. Her beautiful face had become distorted.She could see it. Almost close enough to touch. Connect. Send a message on.It was her mobile phone. And she wasn’t with it. Daughter Two as well. Stripped of their most vital ...
January 22, 1:33 pm
Christmas shopping, Dad-style. Making a daughter blush earns extra credits.

It was like Daughter Two had found a priceless artifact, right there in the surf shop.She held it aloft, as one would present a rare Egyptian print.It was a one-piece thingy, with the print of a tiger on it. Something like an extended singlet. Part ...
December 17, 10:12 am
Getting the new tree just right. A Dad’s way of embracing the Christmas spirit

Rule number one. You can never have enough tinsel. When it comes to Christmas trees, bare is bad.I have a new tree this year. First time I can remember actually buying one.The girls suggested I wade into a nearby pine forest, and cut one down. Strap...
December 4, 10:21 am
No jacket required. Lessons from a 12 year old, on how to pack a suitcase

The stand-off showed no sign of ending. Daughter Two, not for the first time, was refusing to budge.She was getting ready for her school trip to Canberra. Like thousands have before her. A rite of passage for primary school kids.The problem was her ...
November 27, 9:16 am
Secrets to happy flying. Slip the crying baby strong drink, and have your flu shots.

I am writing this from the very front of the plane. 1A.My own special pillow. Chilled champagne. Well-dressed ladies in sensible shoes are feeding me strawberries dipped in warm chocolate. The captain is playing The Best of The Eagles. The screen in...
November 20, 9:18 am