Mark Llewellyn

Sorry Nation

FROM THE OFFICE OF ALAN CARPENTER.To the people of Western Australia I am so sorry that my government disappointed you. Boy did you make that clear. Were you angry? Does Brian Burke wear panama hats?! You asked for better, you deserved better, and next...
Tue, September 9, 2008, 12:57 pm EST
seX-Files

Of all the addictions to have, I imagine sex addiction is not a bad one.Serious drugs will leave you looking liking Amy Whinehouse. Or dead. And I'm not sure which is worse.Alcohol, well the hangovers would do me in.Obsessive compulsive disorder?...
Wed, September 3, 2008, 1:33 pm EST
Bloody sport

Sorry to rain on the welcome home parade, but what price success? Is it really worth the squillions we pump into sport just so we can rank in the top 6 in the world at the Olympics?So we beat South Korea and Japan and so many others, so what....
Tue, August 26, 2008, 3:55 pm EST
President Paris has got my vote

"I'm Paris Hilton and I'm running for President."Hail to the Chief! Paris Hilton's entry into the American Presidential campaign is brilliant, just brilliant. Not just because her spoof ad was so damned funny, but because it was so damned...
Thu, August 7, 2008, 4:13 pm EST
On the 'roid to victory

Drugs schmugs.Let's throw open the Games to drugs cheats.Who among us hasn't wanted to see the 100 metres run in 5 swift seconds (and that's the women's final)? Or see weightlifters snatch and grab 500 kilos, or the 1500 metres swimming final done and...
Wed, August 6, 2008, 9:08 am EST
Take the money, Sonny

So like a thief in the night Rugby League star Sonny Bill Williams scuttles off for a bucket full of euros and the sweet life of France. Back home there has been much wailing and gnashing of teeth. "It was a dog act", says former league hard...
Mon, July 28, 2008, 4:22 pm EST
On thin ice

He may be innocent, and we should remember that. It may be a stitch up, and we should be mindful of that. But if the truth is that ABC reporter Peter Lloyd is an ‘ice' user then part of me feels, as harsh as this sounds, that he may have caught...
Mon, July 28, 2008, 12:25 pm EST
New Zealanders speak funny - an apology

An apology to all New Zealanders.It has been brought to my attention that I may have offended the entire nation of New Zealand with my blog, 'New Zealanders Speak Funny' (see below).It seems that when I wrote that blog I may have inadvertently observed...
Tue, July 22, 2008, 4:13 pm EST
Bye bye Big Brother

What does the end of Big Brother say about all of us? Is it that we've tired of perving? That we're simply over salaciously watching the inconsequential lives of preening TV lab rats? Or were we shamed by the discovery that so many of our fellow...
Tue, July 15, 2008, 12:04 pm EST
Bye bye Big Brother

What does the end of Big Brother say about all of us? Is it that we've tired of perving? That we're simply over salaciously watching the inconsequential lives of preening TV lab rats? Or were we shamed by the discovery that so many of our...
Tue, July 15, 2008, 12:00 pm EST
Next World Youth Day - World Tooth Day?

I'd like to work myself up today about what the Japanese are doing to whales. But I can't. Not today. It's not that I don't despise what Japan does in the name of its whacko so-called-science but I wasn't tossing and turning last night. Sorry.The...
Mon, July 14, 2008, 2:36 pm EST
Name and shame... Sunday Roast?

You know the old saying, "pets are for life not just for Christmas"? Well, it's the same with names. Give your kid a good name and you've given them a great start in life. Give ‘em a shocker and you've just saddled them with a burden...
Fri, July 11, 2008, 11:52 am EST
A cure for bad backs

I have a bad back. Sore in the morning, sore at night, and always sore in between.Usual causes: family history, carrying too much weight, no core strength, and a lack of flexibility that makes me the inverse version of the Indian rubber man.I play a bit...
Tue, July 8, 2008, 11:58 am EST
Land of the 'Free'

Once when I was a kid I gave my sister a Chinese burn. My mother said, "Stop annoying your sister". But I kept on twisting. So my mum called the New South Wales police and they arrested me.I grew up but never grew out of my annoying habits....
Fri, July 4, 2008, 12:53 pm EST
Ban all wowsers

It's a bold statement, I know, but I reckon I'd thrash the new Federal Minister for Health, Nicola Roxon, in a drinking contest.If the shiny haired Minister marched into my office at midday and said,"Right, you and me. Long lunch. Now!" I'd be...
Mon, June 30, 2008, 2:22 pm EST