A heartbreaking reminder: It can happen to anyone

As a firefighter Lloyd O’Keeffe has had plenty of tough days, but none will ever compare to the day he lost his baby boy.

The Canberra father says he will never be able to forget the moment his wife Lara told him their baby had stopped moving.

“The pregnancy was completely normal, it was travelling really well. Then one day at 37 weeks Lara didn’t feel any movement and we thought we better head into the hospital,” he said.

“We thought we would be in and out of there in 10 minutes, but when we went in they couldn’t find a heartbeat and we were told the dreadful news.”

The couple’s son Lachlan was stillborn on September 8, 2013. Sadly around eight babies die in Australia every day due to health complications at birth, stillbirth and sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS).

Mr O’Keeffe said the couple were completely shocked by Lachlan’s death.

“We weren’t expecting it...and we felt very empty that night,” he said. “We had never even thought something like that could happen, I guess we had that mentality that it won’t happen to us, we are both fit, young and healthy.”

What made matters worse, was that the hospital were unable to fully explain the cause of Lachlan’s death.

“We were given part of a reason by the hospital, they said the placenta separated from the uterus, but we don’t know what caused that, it just sometimes happens.”

The couple is not alone, in their search for answers. More than half the deaths of unborn babies, which occur during the last eight weeks of pregnancy, are unexplained.

“Leaving him at the hospital was certainly the hardest thing I think we will ever have to do, we were lucky that we had our daughter Chloe there as a distraction for us.”

Through support from family, friends and the SIDS and Kids organisation, the couple were able to get through the dark months that followed.

Through SIDS and Kids, the couple accessed a bereavement counsellor and other families who had suffered the same terrible loss.

“It was so easy we called them up told them what happened and they told us to come in for a chat.”

“We were so glad we did, it was really nice to talk to someone, our counsellor has had a similar experience, so they really knew what we were going through.”

When the couple found out in March 2014 that they were expecting their third child, they joined a Pregnancy After Loss support group founded by the organisation.

“The pregnancy brought up a lot of emotions and there was a huge amount of anxiety and stress,” Mr O’Keeffe said. “It was good to be a part of a group with other parents that were going through the same things.”

The couple was immensely relieved when they welcomed their daughter Amelia into the world in November 2014.

“We lost our son, while we have a healthy baby now, we still have rough days, “ he said.

He noted while the couple would never truly get over the loss of Lachlan, the regular counseling and support they received taught them how to manage and work through their grief.

“Things don’t get better straight away, but by talking to people about your child, you find a way through.”

Apart from providing bereavement support to families, SIDS and Kids provides important safe sleeping education to expectant mothers and funds vital research.

Faces of Red Nose Day

Since its inception, over $16.5 million has been devoted into researching stillbirth, neonatal death, SIDS and other causes that contribute to the 3,500 unexpected infant deaths that devastate Australian families each year.

CEO Associate Professor Leanne Raven says SIDS and Kids has helped save the lives of over 8000 babies.

“We’ve had an 80 percent reduction rate in SUDI (sudden unexpected death in infants) deaths since we started our Safe Sleeping campaign in the early 1990s.”

“Through further investment in research we could find the answer to what is causing these unexpected deaths.”

She noted that the non-government organisation’s research and bereavement support relied heavily on the funds raised on Red Nose Day.

To mark the day, Mr O’Keeffe and other ACT firefighters will be helping with fundraising activities and adorning 15 Fire and Rescue trucks, two fire stations and a training tower with big red noses.

“It’s good to be able to give back, to do my bit to help out an organisation that was so helpful to my family.”

He says that while Lachlan is gone, he will never be forgotten.

“We talk about him all the time; Chloe understands that Lachlan’s with the angels, but she still loves talking about her little brother and drawing family pictures with Lachlan in them. When Amelia is older, we will also talk to her about her brother.”

To make a Red Nose Day donation and support the work of SIDS and Kids go to www.rednoseday.com.au.