Fan applies for Ireland job promising 'revolutionary tactics' that would change football
A young Ireland fan has shared with the world the hilarious tale of his application to take over as manager of the national football team.
And Paddy O'Brien's utterly magnificent application, which has just come to light despite being sent soon after Giovanni Trappatoni's exit, really is something to behold.
Yes, yes, we know it's been done before. Originally, and most spectacularly, the stunt was pulled by Middlesbrough fan John Boileau back in 2006, who wrote to his club demanding the job on the basis of his experience playing Football Manager on his computer, in tandem with coaching an under-11s Sunday league team.
Boileau's correspondence prompted hundreds of similar applications - not least when Dumbarton were looking for a new chief two years ago.
Such fun and games turned seriuous when an Azerbaijani student named Vugar Huseynzade actually landed a major job in Baku on the basis of his virtal management prowess soon after that - but O'Brien's application shows clearly that he would have been an even better choice.
Not because the 25-year-old promised the FAI that, "I GUARANTEE that if I do get this job IRELAND WILL WIN EURO 2016."
Not because he waxed lyrical about his "non-human management skills" earned in cattle breeding.
Not because he helpfully pointed out that he is a Capricorn.
But beacause he came up with two absolutely brilliant, and totally original, tactical formations.
They are the magnifcently-named 'Shatners Bassoon'...:
John's entire application letter explains it all (h/t The Guardian), but Shatners Bassoon is said to come after "months of scientific research" into the best way to counter 4-5-1 tactics with a formation that "literally points the way to goal".
He admits that while it might seem "overly offensive" at first, the idea is that they'd play that way until Ireland went ahead, after which they'd resort to Immaculate Pasta, "a classic pincers tactic, like Napolen used to great effect in the Battle of Marengo".
Crackers. And brilliant, at the same time.
Still, maybe the FAI were better off out of it. In sharing his application letter with the world, O'Brien carefully blacked out his address and full date of birth.
But given that he provided his star sign on the CV, it wouldn't take a tactical genius to figure out his precise date of birth...
No wonder he received a rejection letter (which was disappointingly dull and non-personalised) a few weeks later.
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